Swimmer's ear - a gift on the first night of Ramadhan

Before Ramadhan, two weeks to be exact, I got an ear infection due to my frequent swimming workout. Funny thing is, the infection I was getting in the outer ear was known as 'Swimmer's ear'. Or scientifically, otitis externa.

The first days were very painful. I couldn't dive deeper because my right ear felt so painful, it sounded like it was cracking inside. I went to buy earplugs, but kept losing it in the pool whenever I did my flip turn. But the ear became worse. Eventually, in two days, I lost almost 70% of my hearing on the right ear. It was my habit to clean up my ear after a swimming session, but obviously it was not enough. My sleep was interrupted due to sudden surge of pain and constant ringing in my right ear.

I went to the doctor. I took the ear drops and oral antibiotics. What happened was, some water was left near my eardrum, it clogged and made surrounding area suitable for bacteria, hence the infection. My ear canal was swelling, and also my eardrum didn't vibrate the way it should. Even the otoscope almost did not fit into my ear.

So, the days of misery began. I valued music. I listened to the Quran, songs, and music, and I often wondered how beautiful music would be in the Heaven. I was specifically grateful for the hearing that Allah had bestowed upon me, more than any other parts of my body. Then, when my right ear failed to function properly, I somehow freaked out.

My hearing became muffled, I failed to detect where the sound was coming from. And I could hear the sound next to my ear like it was 2 meters away. The ringing was somehow constant and it made me a bit off balanced. The ringing sounded like after you hear the flash bang. The ringing felt so close to my ear. My balance was off. Suddenly, I valued my hearing more than I had ever imagined.

I read the story of Urwah bin Zubair. How when his leg was amputated, his friend said 'Bergembiralah, kerana anggotamu itu telah mendahuluimu ke syurga..'. The last word my right ear listened to was al Mishary just before I went to sleep. So, as to calm myself, I also told myself the same thing. Getting myself prepared just in case I lost my right ear. Allah wanted to test me I thought, and I was going to be ready. To some people, it might not be important. But to me, my hearing is important. Especially when it comes to listening to music. How I appreciate details in the piece. Still, my hearing was from Allah.

I kept snapping and clapping slowly beside my right ear just to know when will my hearing come back. I went to the doctor twice, and the doctor told me that the infection still didn't go away. I got two kinds of ear drops later. More intensive. In one week, if I hadn't got better, he would refer me to an ear specialist. It was very tense. My right ear felt right it got a veil that blocked my hearing. A veil so close to my ear.

I told my mum about it. And I got a lecture on not-to-swim-again. I understood how she felt. Sometimes, when you get older, it was good to hear your mum's lecture. Missing those old days haha. My friends and lecturers were so supportive.

During the last evening of Syaaban, just before Ramadhan, I was at the mosque. Getting ready for the azan of the first night of Ramadhan. I was at the first saf, tilawah. Felt so pumped up. Although my right ear failed to function, it failed to stop my surge of excitement for the Ramadhan. Getting my FB and Twitter deactivated few days prior, I was sure to get a good warm up.

Like a novel, when the digital clock was beeping for Maghrib, I saw the bilal went to the mike. I stood up and felt very excited. 'Allah, here I come' I said. Then, miraculously, when the azan started 'Allahu Akbar!', masya Allah, the veil that had been blocking my right ear seemed to be gone. The hearing was still muffled, but my hearing was coming back! If before I could only hear 20-30%, it became up to 50-70%. I could really feel the difference. My tears broke out, and there I sujud syukur for my hearing in the middle of the azan. It was no coincidence. It was amazing. It felt amazing. It was like the bubble that had been blocking my right ear popped. And then suddenly the sound became much clearer.

Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for my both ears. For all my parts of body, and family.

Now, I can hear up to 90% Alhamdulillah, no more pain, fever, ringing and off-balance.

1. I learned how to speak more slowly. Try closing both your ears with your fingers, and speak very slowly. You could hear it clearly. When my right ear failed to function properly, I hear what I said louder than normal. So I began to speak more slowly.

2. I couldn't wait to get back into the swimming pool. Missing swimming so much. My doctor refrained me from swimming till the ear infection had gone.

3. Syukur itu lebih tinggi martabatnya dari sabar.

4. Swimmers! Always be ready for this. Get yourself an ear drop to clean your ear after swimming. Maintain the pH of your ear, and avoid over-cleaning.

5. Some of you might wonder how I know that percentage of hearing. Hoho. I test it with my left ear and check the clarity over distance times 100.

6. Our hearing is one of the most amazing mechanism ever existed. It worked simultaneously with our brain. One of it is positioning. Good hearing works with our brain to position and trace where the sound comes from just from its amplitude and frequency. Try this 3d sound, barbershop, and say Alhamdulillah :) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA)

Happy Ramadhan guys!

Malu dan ikhtilat (Copy Paste)

Musta'mal~

Hari ni,salah sorang kawan talaqqiku kantoi dengan syeikh yang dia ada berhubung dengan seorang wanita bukan mahram di phone..*yakni couple*...

kemudian syeikh bagi nasihat yang sangat lembut tapi betul-betul menyentuh hati kami semua....

syeikh: kamu suka dia?

fulan: ya syeikh....

syeikh: kamu suka tu suka-suka atau kamu rasa dia memang yang terbaik untuk menjadi teman hidupmu,menjadi ibu untuk anakmu,menjadi pembantu agamamu?

fulan: ya syeikh...pada pandangan saya,dia yang terbaik untuk jadi teman hidup saya dan agama saya...

syeikh: bila kamu akan menikahinya?

fulan: lepas belajar syeikh...dalam 3 tahun lagi...

syeikh: jadi kenapa kamu rosakkan dia?kamu bukan nak menikah sekarang?kamu rosakkan dia sekarang dan 3 tahun akan datang?kenapa kamu jadikan air mutlak menjadi air musta'mal tanpa sebab?bukankah dia wanita suci yang bakal menjadi ibu untuk anakmu?kenapa kamu bercouple dengannya sedangkan jika kamu sukakan dia,dia sukakan kamu,bersabarlah hingga sampai waktu kalian benar-benar ingin menikah kemudian baru kamu jumpa ayahnya dan pinang dia secara suci?bukankah cara itu lebih suci?wanita umpama air mutlak,mereka suci,tetapi apabila mereka mula berhubung dengan lelaki tanpa sebab,apatah lagi ber couple,wanita itu umpama air musta'mal..ia tidak boleh digunakan untuk bersuci tetapi hanya digunakan untuk perkara selain bersuci seperti basuh pinggan,basuh najis,basuh bontot dan sebagainya...apa kamu sanggup ibu untuk anakmu setaraf itu?sesungguhnya wanita ini akalnya pendek,nafsu mereka didepankan atas segalanya,kalau lelaki datang ucapkan kata-kata palsu,mereka akan mempercayainya melebihi mereka percayakan al-quran...sedangkan lelaki memang perangai mereka hanya main-main kecuali mereka benar-benar bersedia untuk nikah,tapi sekiranya mereka belum sedia,contohnya mereka masih belajar dan sebagainya,jelas permainan mereka dengan wanita itu hanya tipu daya,tapi tipu daya semudah itu pun dapat menipu para wanita hingga membawa mereka ke ranjang perzinaan..itu tandanya akal mereka sangat pendek...nabi utuskan para lelaki sebagai penjaga para wanita bukan perosak mereka....bagi kamu,couple,cha­tting,cakap dalam phone semua itu dosa kecil sedangkan ia jelas haram kerana allah haramkan kita untuk dekati zina....dekati zina pun tak boleh,makna kata kalau kita masih jauh 50km dari zina,tapi 1cm kita gerakkan kaki ke arah zina itu telah haram kerana perintah ini....jadi janganlah pandang remeh perkara zina ini...sesungguhnya ramai yang mati tanpa berzina tetapi di mahsyar kelak buku amalan mereka penuh dengan dosa zina.....apa berbaloi kau bahagia sementara dengan teman wanita yang kau tak ingin nikahi diganti dengan azab neraka yang panasnya 70x ganda api dunia?

note: kepada lelaki bapuk di luar sana yang gemar permainkan wanita...ketahu­ilah bahawa kalian adalah MUSUH ALLAH DAN MUSUH RASULULLAH ! ! ! kalian permainkan para wanita yang akalnya pendek,tidak dapat bezakan baik dan buruk...memang para wanita walaupun akal pendek,tapi mereka dikurniakan sifat malu yang tinggi....fb,phone,twitter,int­ernet ni semua dicipta dajjal untuk menghakis sifat malu para muslimah sehingga mereka jadi umpama kucing betina yang menggoda2 kucing jantan untuk mengawan...wanita yang berpurdah yang kononnya wanita paling pemalu(tak mau orang lihat wajah merek) pun pamerkan gambar mereka walaupun berpurdah di fb untuk tatapan jutaan lelaki bukan mahram,mereka tanpa segan silu bergurau senda,tanpa malu inbox lelaki dan sebagainya...sekarang akal mereka tidak dapat jaga diri mereka,bahkan sifat malu juga tidak dapat jaga diri mereka..jadi siapa yang bertanggungjawa­b menjaga maruah para bidadari rasulullah kalau bukan LELAKI???

lelaki yang couple2 dan yang bersayang2 dengan bukan mahram atas nama "tunang" tu..tolong lah....korang ada akal kuat..korang tak bodoh....korang nak memusuhi allah dan rasul,itu hak korang...tapi korang kena sedar,nanti korang pun akan ada anak perempuan,korang suke ke jantan tah mana-mana berhubung,berma­nja,bersayang secara haram dengan anak perempuan korang?kalau korang redha...nampak sangat korang dayus dan lelaki dayus nabi khabarkan mereka DIHARAMKAN SYURGA KEPADANYA WALAUPUN BAUNYA.....

Israel, I condemn your action.

[Reuters]

 My love towards the land of Palestine is deep. I love the sacred land as I love my land. I grow up wanting to be a martyr there. My passion and empathy are always there for them. My prayers to them are like my prayers to my parents. And it kills me to see and watch how Israel AGAIN, has started their siege on Palestine.

Therefore, I call upon readers - in the name of Allah, let us voice out our resistance towards the oppression. I call upon readers - on a humanitarian basis, let us together hand in hand do whatever we can to influence the public opinion, and let the whole world see what Israel has done, and had been doing all these decades to Palestine.

We must act and be clear. If we do nothing, things will be going as the way it is. If we act, things will change insyaAllah. We must let the whole world the history, the action and reasons, the conflicts and political ploys, and the relation of each players.

Do whatever we can to help them. Anything will do.

Tweet, Facebook, blogs, Google +1, Youtube. Family, friends, colleagues.

Start throwing away boycotted foods like McD, Starbucks, and Pepsi.

Be a better Muslim! For it is our sins that delayed the help of Allah to come upon us. In the midst of hating the action of the Zionists, let us not be like them. Practice Islam.

Most important - pray!

Invite your friends and colleagues. Let us be together against the oppression of Palestine. In the name of values in which Islam is based upon, let us be there. Let us be human!

Human, let us pray, for Allah is our best Protector and our best Helper! Allah..keep my brothers and sisters safe, and destroy the enemies. Send them your angels and your soldiers! Make us Muslims unite in the face of this oppression, so that may good come out of this. Amin.

Bersih 3.0 - Of understanding and promoter of good values

*I am not going to post my whole experience during BERSIH 3.0. As before. Just bits and bits of learning experience here and there and some points of view.


We often think that fight for ideals and virtues is simple and easy. It is not indeed. Along the way, there will be some tests. Some will be taken away by the restless agitation and blinded by the opium of anti-establishment, while some will be gripped by fear, some will be misguided by doubts - not the doubts of truth and skepticism, but rather doubt of action. Some will choose side of the oppressor, knowingly and unknowingly. Unknowingly by being neutral in times of injustice.

We've got a long way in Malaysia, for the citizens to grasp the maturity of support and disagreement. We always think, perhaps because the authorities have sit on the chair of power for a very long time, that government is equal to the winning component/party. And we are very good in generalizing. It doesn't mean when we agree to some policies of the authorities, we agree to the injustice they have induced. And it also doesn't mean when we fight the corruption and injustice in the government, we also in support to the invitation of the existing foreign powers meddling our affairs.

We must stop generalizing and being lazy. We must wake up, and be sensible. My reason for joining BERSIH is clear. I demand clean electoral reform at large. Those who are serious in knowing this issue, will surely know about the 'phantom voters'. There are so much corruption and injustice, and we just keep sucking up BN's deeds blindfolded. This issue is not an assumption, or a wild conspiracy theory made up by the opposition, it is real, and it is happening. Either Pro BN or anti BN, and those who aren't in both. If we are serious, we will find the truth.

When I was in a demonstration, be it BERSIH, or other demos for Syria/Palestine/Egypt, I will always pause from time to time, just to reassure myself why I was there. It is easy to lose yourself in the midst of irrational hatred and exciting confrontation. But, I was there, because I chose to be a promoter of good values, of godly values. And I am sure, there is a lot out there, like me. Who aren't interested in who's holding the power, but in the way the power holder benefits the power that is given to them, from us. The way the power is handled, defines the holder. I'm interested in John Dalberg Acton's saying about power.  He said "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely".

Complacent may be the suitable word, for us Malaysians. When we demand change, the other will always compare our condition with poorer countries. When we feel complacent, we are afraid to move on. To have a better life, with better condition. It is easy for us to speak, when we never experience money shortage - to the extend that our parents sold the jewelry, or even harta pusaka peninggalan nenek moyang just to support their family. We never experience poverty, when children just keep fasting to ease the burden of their parents. We never experience sufferings, when our rights are denied and declined just because we differ in financial status. We never feel any of them, so that's why we keep siding the ones with power. Because our gold pot is with them. Still, these people don't demand wealth, although they have the right to do so. They still pay the tax. They demand the system to be cleaned, it's fortunate that Malaysians still have faith for the system.

To take a closer look, the demands are to achieve clean election, along with the freedom of media. There will always be something wrong when you look at the demands with paranoid and fearful paradigm. Irrational assumptions will keep popping up. Try to look at it from a different angle.

These assemblies call for the reforms. Be it BN or PR on the top, in the next ten years, we will always call for reforms if the situation needs us. We should start taking side with values and principles. Our country's future is more than PR or BN. Malaysia is in need of its citizens, who calls for justice and equality, peace and transparency. Be it PR, be it BN, be it perhaps another large component in the future, let us make sure the ones in power stand with these values.

For people like me, it is not about the struggle to push PR to Putrajaya. Although I grew up knowing so many mischievous deeds performed by UMNOs, I learned that evil and corruption are with those who do not fear God. The one who wields power with God-fearing principles will do well, regardless of the parties and components. It is my utmost regret that I cannot share you the article I once read in a site about economics, I spend hours looking for it - where the article was written under the presumption that, corruption does take over in a place where people does not believe in God. It said that faith in God, is necessary to prevent corruption and misuse of power. Although the article in the end aimed to bash communism. My point is our country is in need of both religious and faithful people. 

I don't imagine a future where only one party or component rules the parliament, but rather a mixture of politicians of virtues and principles, who uphold values and honor. Let there be various parties and components. Differences are good. Conflicts are necessary to keep the dynamics flows and improvement flourishes. Let there be check and balance. And for this to come true, men of values and ideas are needed. Not men of dogmas and propaganda.

Malaysia is a blessed country. Alhamdulillah. Old-time warriors and 'ulama, leaders and its citizens made Malaysia as it is today. Let us be grateful - by striving for the best and sustain the values on which our ancestors have stood for. Tok Janggut, Mat Kilau and Rentap fought for their rights and justice, their people, and their identities. It is our responsibility then to sustain and maintain. We are calling the leaders to reform. We do not ask you to step down. We are asking you to take responsibilities for what you and your acquaintances have done - the list I am afraid is too long.

It is then my decision, to support good values and be an ardent promoter. I am a khalifah of Allah, and it is my responsibility. Peace.

Note 1 : I think young people have more resistance to the tear gas. I propose to young people, next time, if there is any demonstration, do stock up big bottles of water and salts - I got three big bottles and a pack of salt when I went to BERSIH 3 - so that we can help old folks and pakmakciks in the demonstration to keep up. Some knowledge of basic medics would be sufficient to help.

Note 2 : We must not think police as bad and evil. They have orders, and they must follow the orders. I know a senior ikhwah in TUDM, he supports Bersih, yet he is assigned in some kind of military unit to keep things in control if the police fails to do so.

Note 3 : During Bersih, I went with my naqib and two lawyers from IKRAM - who are specifically designated to protect the protesters legally. Although I read comprehensively about isu semasa, there are so many things I do not know. The lawyers shared so many things, issues like OccupyDataran and PTPTN, and new rule replacing ISA - another layer of information. Lepas ni ingat nak lepak dengan lawyer lah. Senang tahu cerita.

"A warning to the people
The good and the evil
This is war
To the soldier, the civillian
The martyr, the victim
This is war

It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie
The moment to live and the moment to die
The moment to fight, the moment to fight, to fight, to fight, to fight" - This is War, 30 Seconds to Mars

It is indeed, a war of values and principles.

Of Tolerance and Pluralism

Problem statement
Last year, I went to a program organized by United Religions Initiative. I am sure most who followed my blog read it.  It was a really good and effective program - their scheme along the program was to sit in group, to share, and to interact, sometimes multimedia presentation. Sharing opinions was really encouraged. Even some Muslimah colleagues of mine, who could barely speak in English before they attended, ended up being brave and courageous enough to speak to others in English. In the program, there were representatives from different countries[Australia, India, Thailand, Philippine, UK and others], cultures and religions[Islam, Christian, Buddha, Bahai, Hindu, Jungle Spirit]. I learned a lot from that program, and I made very good friends. There were some issues, and of course, as a normal person, some issues were meant to be resolved later owing to lack of capacities and means.

There, I was taught that 'tolerance' was a very bad word. The word implies your action is unwilling and forced. 'To put up with'. For example, you hate eating veges. But, you tolerate it, because it is good for your health. In a simple word, tolerance carries a negative luggage, or connotation. So, it is not good, to bring the concept of tolerance into a religious framework. It is like your tolerance is not based by good intention, because you TOLERATE. So we asked, what's the solution? The presenter said, we dissolve the barrier. Anything that stands between us and them, we dissolve. Any differences or any conflicts - are to be dismissed and carry on. The keyword is to ACCEPT others by heart. Even if our religious obligations were in the way. We are told, not to be too extremist. This was when I started to disagree. For other religion, it might be easy. But for Islam, this issue had been carefully fortified. As Syirk, to associate partner to Allah is the biggest sin in Islam. Na'uzubillahi min Zalik. Neither the framework nor technical means had been explained at that time.

My friends and I later continued to gather information. The program was around three to four days if I am not mistaken. We learned, that if anything comes between us and our objective, objective comes first. Their objectives for example are, to promote peace and understanding, to prevent religious-motivated violence, to advocate justice and equality etc. It was a big relief that we had been able to put it in an actual framework, crystal clarity. For example, I was told by a Muslim friend from overseas attending the program, to him, it's okay to touch hands with women, as long as your intention is to introduce them to Islam. And there he was, hugging and poking female colleagues. Another example, when our religious duties were the reason for religious-motivated violence, or not accepting others, our duties should be dismissed. Even if it means to sacrifice our aqidah. Another example, when we were brought to a Gurdwara (Sikh's temple), we saw our friends from other beliefs joined their prayer ritual. In the name of respect and acceptance, they joined together the ritual, as if they agreed to worship other gods than theirs'. Why in the name of respect and acceptance? Because these were the values portrayed in the program. Their concept of acceptance was not to accept differences and work around it, but rather dissolve any differences and pass through once was a closed perimeter; a religion and its principles in this case. In that kind of acceptance, acknowledgement does not exist.

The explanation to this situation is - in order to achieve goals, some things are to be sacrificed. In this context, things that are needed to be sacrificed sometimes are the very foundations of the religion itself. What makes us human? Consciousness, love, conscience, awareness, logic, feelings? The answer may differ, but if we are to shed the essence that makes us human in order to achieve our goals, can we be called human? As the answer to define human sometimes may fall into the category of subjectivity, my religion which is Islam is not like that. What makes Islam is definite, specified and absolute. It had been mentioned by our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon Him, that Islam is built on the 'fives' - Syahadah, Prayers, Zakat, Hajj, and Ramadhan fasting [From Umar Al Khattab, narrated by Muslim and Bukhari]. By definition, these pillars are what made me a Muslim. If I were to violate any one of those pillars, am I able to call myself a Muslim? I tried to understand their situation. It was understandable, their religions weren't like Islam. Islam is a religion - built upon a very solid foundation. The main sources of Islam which are the Quran and Hadith are authentic, abundant, and are studied comprehensively. The historical validity of these sources are proven firm and authentic. Therefore, Islam in terms of principles, technical and knowledge basis had already been clarified and completed by Prophet Muhammad. It's not their fault if they were not aware of my concern regarding this.

Searching for solutions
After the program ended, I still could not resolve it. I have a situation; I accepted the problem in this context - TOLERANCE. The concept behind this is the reason why any interfaith cooperation is short-lived, impulsive, sometimes dangerous, and often incite religious-motivated violence. That's the case of cooperation, what about people with different beliefs living next door? Around the globe, there are many cases regarding interfaith violence. People with self-centered attitude, imposing forced pressure in the name of religion, making hostile encounter with other beliefs. As far as I am concerned, Alhamdulillah, people around me, and those whom I know, they are friendly and open with people from other beliefs. And these cases of violence rarely happen in my locality. Still, I acknowledged the problem stated by the organizer. I will help and support to heal the world, be it religious, humanity, gender or animal issue.

However, I did not accept the solution they suggested. I disagreed with them. At that time, I believed there must be another way to solve this. I could not find the right solution, or may I say, a proper reasoning to reach the solution I had hoped for. ACCEPTANCE in their definition to me was oblivious, and works one way. And along the way, I searched and read for solutions. Some people will be okay with an end-of-means solution, but for me in this aspect, I am not satisfied with it until I find, know, and understand the accurate framework and reasoning of a solution.

The Quest for Meaning
Alhamdulillah, I found a way. I think it will provide a very good impetus for me to start constructing answers. I am now reading a book, The Quest For Meaning; Developing a Philosophy of Pluralism by Tariq Ramadan. In this book, he made a very good point of view - providing a vantage point for formulating practical solution(s) when dealing with issues of inter-faith and inter-sectarian. He said 'The point is not to integrate systems, values, and cultures with other systems, values and customs, but to determine - in human terms - spaces of intersection where we can meet on equal terms. The intersection of what we have in common, rather than the integration of differences'. This point is undoubtedly beautiful. Although, it requires us, to throw away some archetypes when it comes to rivalry and difference. For us to work together for the betterment of this world, we really need to cooperate at hand with our similarities and deal with differences. We have to digest the attitude 'agree to disagree' and move forward. It is only my opinion, but for us to benefit and function at our optimum level, this concept should be introduced. It's not only should be applied to inter-faith relations, but to Muslim, inter-jama'ah as well.

Say, "O People of the Scripture, come to a word that is equitable between us and you - that we will not worship except Allah and not associate anything with Him and not take one another as lords instead of Allah ." But if they turn away, then say, "Bear witness that we are Muslims [submitting to Him]."  [Ali Imraan : 64]

The concept has already been introduced in the Quran. In this verse, there is a direct command and, from my humble view, an indirect lesson. The direct command was for us to invite Ahlul Kitab to come and talk about our similarity - having Allah as our God. The indirect lesson was for us, to acknowledge, different people comes with different character. Our job is to find the right similarity or common space. We cannot come to an atheist and say to him, 'We are the same. We worship one God'. Instead, if he is a humanitarian activist, we might rather say, 'Hey, you and I. We love peace and justice. Why don't we work together and work it out from this common point?'. If he refuses, we will not force him to accept. But, we will continue to make allies and move on.

Hilful Fudhul
I love to share with you a story, from our Prophet's seerah. The chapter is called Hilful Fudhul. This event happened before Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) prophethood. Once, in Mecca, a Bedouin from Zabid [Zubaid] came to do business. He sold his merchandise to one of the Quraisy chieftains, al 'As ibn Wa'il. Al 'As purchased the whole caravan but paid nothing to the man. Upon this, the man met several leaders around the vicinity to ask for help, but none of them wanted to help. He later went to the crowd, calling out loud noble-hearted and fair-minded men to come to his rescue. Many of them later gathered at Abdullah bin Jud'an's house to form a pact. In the name of Allah, a pact called Hilful Fudhul - all the representatives present made an oath to restore justice, refrain from injustice and to assist the oppressed within Mecca. The members of the covenant later forced Al 'As to return all of the man's belongings. Prophet Muhammad was one of the members, and even after a long time in its prophethood, he still appreciated and satisfied with the pact. Prophet Muhammad even expressed his appreciation :

لقد شَهِدْتُ فى دار عبدالله بن جُدْعَانَ حَلفًا لو دُعِيتُ بهِ فى الإسلام لَأَجَبْتُ , تحَالفُوا أن يَرُدّوا الفُضُولَ على أهلها وأن لا يُعِزُّ الظالمُ مظلومًا

“I had a hand in making such an arrangement in the house of ‘Abdullah Ibn Jud’an to which if I were invited again to help even after the advent of Islam, I would have undoubtedly participated once more. They promised to restore all the rights of the oppressed to the owner so that wrongdoers can not do injustice to the weak. "” [Sirah ibn Hisyam]

Prophet Muhammad's love for good values should be the perfect example for us. In these days where people work together to oppress others, we should do the same. If only, we could put aside and acknowledge our differences, and work together to achieve our goals, this world will be a better place. Aside from working together, as a Muslim, of course it will provide us a better opportunity to present and share Islam to others. It's time for us not to confront others with hostile and cold attitude. We cannot expect people to accept our message of peace, if we are not men of peace ourselves. Islam is a religion in which its constituents are chained by proper logic and reasoning. So, if we want to relay the message of Islam, we should be civilized because the vantage of reasoning comes with the act of civilization and adab. 

Hope
Lately, activists [ikhwah & akhawat] have been too preoccupied arguing over petty issues - which jama'ah is the best, the most authentic, the most original, these and that have hidden agenda, racist, cooperate with kuffar and many more. These kind of issues have been already solved by 'Ulama with concrete answers and arguments. No need to cause another upheaval. There are many people out there who are in need of our insight, help, guidance, and company. Help them. 


Could You help me..
Before I end, I have in my mind two questions. If you are able to answer it, or help me to find the answer, do PM me in FB or drop a comment. I would be happy if you do so. 


1. Islam and prophet Muhammad were sent as rahmah lil 'alamin. Blessings. So, I want to ask, related to my post, what kind of rahmah does it mean? Is it rahmah as if in justice, equality and equity, good governance, no corruption, no poverty, no wars and confrontation - blessings that will be enjoyed when Islam at its peak? Or rahmah as in people revert into Islam?


2. In this aspect [ideology, philosophy], I view them as a set that can be divided. For example, liberalism. I view liberalism can be divided into smaller parts. And the way I deal it, is I think we can take good parts to be integrated into our life. I don't take generalization and throw away the whole thing. I think, that philosophy/theory/ideology is a product of human mind. Be it guided or unguided. And I think, there is any grain of truth everywhere anywhere that is waiting to be picked up, by us Muslims. All in all, I don't reject the whole idea until I really know what it is. I see something in socialism, in secularism, in liberalism, and in this post, something beautiful in pluralism. And I don't think it as replacing Islam, no, Islam can never be replaced, at all. But I think, we are in need of tools and somehow, these tools are hidden in those ideologies. So, I want to ask your opinion. Am I in the right way of thinking? 

Clarification - I hate Zionism and Zionists.
Lastly, I want to clarify. It might seem that I'm proposing open-mindedness in this post. Still, take note - there is a huge difference in khilaf between two opinions, and khilaf between opinion and BATIL[in Islam]. I mean, sometimes, it is necessary to confront. I bring one example, Israel is attacking Palestine. And McD is proven to contribute a huge portion of money to Israel. If someone is said, it is khilaf, I should accept it and go on. I will say no. I will respect his choice to eat McD, but I will say, what he does is a batil, a sin, a zulm, a support in the act of oppression. An inconsiderate and selfish action. It is as clear as day, and who cannot even see the reasoning behind it, should question your humanity.

As Che Guevara once said "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine". Let us be the comrade of Godly values and let us promote peace.

Aiman Azlan's twitter

p/s - baru beli album Maher Zain. Lagu paling best, Paradise. Do listen to it, and talk to your wind. I have my angel beside me.
p/s - any statement regarding other faith, culture, and religion in this post does not mean disrespect. I am deeply sorry if any of those offended any. Do tell if there is any.

Written in the stars [Part 4]

There goes the goodbye of September, a faithful Observer. Either time is linear, or it is cyclical - no one can point the absolute. Experience stays. Perhaps they say, history is repeated - it is the experience. Experience is a story. We, them, are just players. We fit in, we experience, we settle in, and then we set off.

We, humans, used to ask questions. Of Whats. No worries of life, no burdens, no responsibilities. Just satisfying the hunger of young curiosity. Life was pretty direct back then.

As we grew up, Of Hows started to present themselves. Our Senses - a consciousness now has a new friend - Reason. As Of Whats presented themselves as lines - flat and one dimensional, Of Hows introduced themselves as chains. Long endless chains. Now Reason could help Senses to find answers. Reason could help by means of reasoning, to find reasons. Forward and backward, right and left. Humans have been more methodical by now. Their two dimensional means of answers seem quite helpful. So they thought. Life was thought to be a two-dimensional world.

But later in life, something happened. Humans felt voids. Emptiness. So vast and so deep. But humans knew no deepness. All along, theirs were forwards, rights, lefts, and backwards. To figure it out, humans make a large circle. To trap it, and solve it. Humans were confident, there was no way it could pass. But, to their surprise, it jumped out of the circle.

From that time, Of Whys came to liberate humans from the two-dimensional prisons. Humans just discovered Up and Down. Senses and Reason now had a new friend, Heart. From there, humans embarked on a new journey.

______________________________________________________________________

Once in a while, Life waits. Just like a fighter - waits for the right moment, to blow a hit. It's life. What matters, is you just have to rise and stand up again. 'Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life' [Rocky Balboa].

"And then he can murmur, confidently and with an open mind: my philosophy is travel, and pluralism is my destination. Humility is my table, respect is my garment, empathy is my food, and curiosity is my drink. As for love, it has a thousand names and is by my side at every window" [Tariq Ramadan]

Written in the stars [Part 3]

(To the righteous soul will be said:) "O (thou) soul, in (complete) rest and satisfaction!

 "Come back thou to thy Lord,- well pleased (thyself), and well-pleasing unto Him!

 "Enter thou, then, among My devotees!

 "Yea, enter thou My Heaven!

Al Fajr

It is about the present. Not the past. For the past few eons, I have been wandering alone. Weird enough though. The train of Ramadhan, it will be leaving Her soon. Finishing it's last lap of 'Safety from Hell-fire', plus an extra edition of blessings and happiness, the awaited and searched night - Lailatul Qadr.

Hundreds and thousands and millions of souls are happy in this month. The fabric of space and time itself seems stretched - as if to give each living thing on its dominion to grasp each minute chance and breath the air of blessings and forgiveness from their beloved God, Allah.

In the inner world of my heart. I see the land that was once dry, now fresh and fertile to prepare for the coming of wind of seeds of happiness and acceptance. I see the land that was once dry, now moist enough to welcome thankfulness and gratitude to germinate. I see the land that was once inhospitable, now ready to house colonies of knowledge, dwellings of understandings, habitations of appreciation and love.

Now I understand why I saw continuous networks of cracks spread on the land once. The land did not conceal itself from hope at all. The land did let others to take a peek inside of itself. So that the others would look up and would call upon the owner of all hopes to send down rain of compassion. The drought made the land yearned for drops of blessings. The drought made the land appreciated the presence of humidity of calmness around. The drought made the king of the land recognized who was the true king. Malik al Mulk. Zul Jalaal wal Ikram. King of kings. The Lord of Majesty and Bounty.

I guess I will reside on Earth then. My journey is painful and meaningful enough, I guess. It teaches me something profound.

I wish you all the best. I wish all of you will meet the awaited night of al Qadr, and will come out of Ramadhan with a satisfied, forgiven soul. Amin.


"Forgive yourself"

I am happy. In peace of mind.

And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,- and who can forgive sins except Allah.- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.
 For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath,- an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!
 [Ali Imran: 135-136]

Nafas nikmat

Assalamu'alaikum

Niat di hati nak buat specific post of comparison - 'Of respiration and Quran' tapi nampak gayanya Ramadhan tinggal lagi 13 hari, jadi saya sedikit tak keruan dan takut rugi, jadi straight to the point sahaja. Insya Allah next time for the full analogy.

Dalam masa-masa kita hidup sehari-hari dalam Ramadhan ni, kadang-kadang rasa macam nak stay bahagia macam itu sahaja. Sebab apa? Kita rasa, setiap nafas yang kita hembus dan tarik bulan ini, terkadang kita merasakan kita bernafas dengan hamdalah, istighfar, takbir, dan tahmid. Perlahan sahaja suara kita menutur zikir-zikir tanpa kita sedari sendiri. Kita merasakan nikmat hidup dengan udara mengingati Allah. Kita duduk sebentar selepas penat, keluar dari mulut menuturkan 'Alhamdulillah'. Bersandar ingin menunggu azan di surau, diisi masa-masa lompong yang sedikit itu dengan istighfar memuhasabah kembali hidup sebelum ini. Berkira-kira satu hari berapa banyak dosa kita buat, berkira-kira cukup tak sujud, qiam dan ruku' kita untuk tebus balik dosa itu. Tengah berkira-kira Allah tidurkan kita. Kata Yusuf al Qaradawi, tanda Allah sayang seseorang hamba itu, Allah mudahkan dia untuk berehat. Alhamdulillah. Terlelap sebentar kita nikmati. Kita bangun, berdiri untuk berwudhu' keluar 'Allahu Akbar'.

Wudhu' diambil. Setiap anggota dibasuh, dihantar sekali doa kepada Allah. Membasuh tangan - berdoa supaya kitab amalan di akhirat nanti diserahkan dengan tangan kanan bukan tangan kiri. Berkumur - memohon diampuni dosa-dosa mulut. Muka - memohon diampuni dosa mata, memohon supaya timbul kecintaan orang-orang lain melihat muka kita, sekaligus mendoakan kita. Berterusan kita berdoa sampai kita membasuh kaki. Menapak dalam surau, kita mulakan dengan kaki kanan dan Bismillah. Lalu membaca doa memasuki masjid. Bersalam-salam, senyum-senyum dan bertanya khabar dengan mukmin lain. Selesai, terus bersiap menunaikan solat-solat sunat. Ya Allah, indahnya hidup bulan ini. Diisi hidup dengan zikir-zikir, doa-doa, amalan wajib dan sunat. Aman rasanya bernafas dengan perasaan mengingati Allah. Kita terfikir, alangkah indahnya kalau dari dulu kita sudah merasai nikmat ini. Terus kita berdoa, supaya Allah memberi jalan istiqamah ini kepada kita. Moga kita tergolong dalam golongan yang disebutkan dalam hadith ini..

عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِىَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِنَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى قَالَ: مَنْ عَادَى لِيْ وَلِيًّا فَقَدْ آذَنْـتُهُ بِالْحَرْبِ ، وَمَا تَقَرَّبَ إِلَيَّ عَبْدِى بِشَيْئٍ أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِمَّا افْتَرَضْـتُهُ عَلَيْهِ ، وَلاَ يَزَالُ عَبْدِى يَتَقَرَّبٌ إِلَيَّ بِالنَّوَافِلِ حَتَّى أُحِبُّهُ ، فَـإِذَا أَحْبَبْتُهُ كُنْتُ سَمْعَهُ الَّذِى يَسْمَعُ بِهِ ، وَبَصَرَهُ الَّذِى يُبْصِرُ بِهِ ، وَيَدَهُ الَّتِى يَبْطِشُ بِهَا ، وَرِجْلَهُ الَّتِى يَمْشِى بِهَا ، وَلَئِنْ سَأَلَنِى لأُعْطِيَنَّهُ ، وَلَئِنِ اسْتَعَاذَنِى لأُعِيْذَنَّـهُ .(رَوَاهُ الْبُخَارِى)

Dari Abi Hurairah RA katanya, telah bersabda RasuLullah saw : Sesungguhnya Allah swt telah berfirman: Barangsiapa yang menyakiti wali-Ku , maka Aku isytiharkan perang kepadanya. Tidaklah hamba-Ku mendekati-Ku dengan suatu pekerjaan yang lebih Aku sukai daripada dia mengerjakan apa yang Aku telah fardhukan keatasnya. Dan sentiasalah hamba-Ku mendekatkan dirinya kepada-Ku dengan melakukan yang sunat sehingga Aku cinta kepadanya. Maka apabila Aku telah mencintainya, adalah Aku-lah yang menjadi pendengarannya yanq ia mendengar dengannya, dan penglihatannya yang ia melihat dengannya, dan tangannya yang ia tamparkan dengannya, dan kakinya yang ia berjalan dengannya; Dan sesungguhnya, jika ia meminta kepada-Ku, nescaya Aku berikan kepadanya; Dan sesunggunya, jika ia memohon perlindungan kepada-Ku nescaya Aku berikan perlindungan kepadanya.

( Hadis Qudsi – Riwayat Imam Bukhari )

Moga kita semua tergolong dalam golongan yang dicintai Allah. Jangan terleka dengan amalan-amalan kita, hubungan dengan Allah itulah yang utama. Moga kita dapat terus bernafas dalam udara yang segar ini. Insya Allah.

Maksud ayat-ayat dalam recitation ini sangat mendalam. Menangislah dan bertaubatlah puas-puas.


p/s 1 - saya jadi guru ganti English di Al Amin for two weeks. Alhamdulillah okay setakat ni. Cuma budak-budak ada masalah nak panggil saya apa? Cikgu, Ustaz, Abang atau Sir. Well.. I prefer Sir. :)

Mencari makna di sebalik Ramadhan

Merenung jauh ke luar. Bayu Ramadhan sememangnya manis. Orang di sekeliling seorang demi seorang sudah pergi. Kita di sini menunggu masa untuk dipanggil menghadap Allah. Kaget juga terkadang memikirkan apa yang sudah kita sediakan untuk berdepan Ilah di hari sana. Bila difikir balik, terasa ada kosong. Entah-entah semuanya kosong. Semuanya akan dituntut di akhirat, lagi kita gelabah tersalah tingkah. Periksa balik, ingat-ingat balik, fikir-fikir balik. Rasa makin tenggelam. Hidup kita selalunya kita letakkan Allah sebagai 'cukup syarat' untuk meneruskan hidup, sedangkan Allah itulah kehidupan. Sesak dada bila ingat diri kufur nikmat.

Allah.

Dulu, masa tingkatan lima, khatam sebulan 30 juzu' sudah menjadi perkara biasa. Dari Januari hingga sebelum SPM. Mutaba'ah ketat dari naqib pada masa itu membentuk tabiat. Sehari sejuzu' cukup. Sampai Ramadhan, khatam lima kali pun menjadi mudah. Masa itu semangat 'fastabiqul khairat' dalam kalangan kawan-kawan agak kuat. 20 rakaat dengan imam UIA pun setel. Entah macam mana kaki masa itu kuat sangat sampai boleh tahan. Qiam semua 'complete'. Ramadhan masa itu memang indah. Alhamdulillah, hati rasa sangat bersih. Mungkin masa itu masih muda, jiwa remaja termotivasi oleh kuantiti ibadah. Sebab masa itu hati tak kotor sangat, kualiti sudah automatik beres Alhamdulillah, hanya fokus pada kuantiti.

Tapi, bila umur dah meningkat, fokus beralih arah. Kegagalan untuk mengekalkan momentum masa remaja dulu membuatkan diri ini kurang melihat pada kuantiti. Jiwa semakin bertambah hormat pada pakcik-pakcik yang mampu untuk solat tarawih dan berpuasa dan bekerja. Juga bertambah hormat pada ibu-ibu yang sanggup bangun pagi hari untuk menyediakan sahur. Untuk keluarga semata-mata, masya Allah. Alhamdulillah, tahun ini sempat menolong ibu sedikit sebanyak. Menyempatkan si ibu untuk bertahajjud.

Anekdot sahur dengan family

1. Biasanya adik-adik bangun lewat. Saya dan parents dah ready baru mereka bangun. Kadang-kadang bila nak azan, "Takpe..kita kan orang Islam. Ikutlah Mekah. Jadi kita tunggu Subuh Mekah baru habis sahur. Subuh sini subuh Melayu.. =.="

2. Nak azan dah ni, "Takpe.. azan baru nak mula. Dah nak habis azan barulah berhenti.."

Pagi-pagi lepas ke surau, masa tulah adik dua orang lelaki tu ambil kesempatan nak main-main motor Jaguh dan SS. Tak main dah motor biasa, nak main motor clutch. Poyo sungguh..

Anekdot tilawah

1. Selalu menegur si adik-adik mengenai bacaan al Quran. Terutamanya masa Ramadhan, MAGLEV(Magnetic Levitated Train) semuanya. Baca nak macam masjid India dah, laju tinggal semua panjang pendek mad mad makhraj semuanya tinggal berciciran. Mereka ingat hukum tajwid pun kena ikat macam syaitan kena ikat kah? Apekah... Tapi itulah.. entah-entah si abang ni ego, sebab adik adik laju tilawahnya. Yang abang-abangnya poyo steady alasan. Yang si adik-adik, ada yang dah juzu' yang beyond imagination dah macam mana mereka sampai situ. Yang tensi nya, kadang-kadang masa tengok TV, iklan depa sambung baca Quran, cerita start pause balik. =.= Budak-budak.

2. Selain laju, selalu adik-adik baca 'slow' je suara. Sebab kalau salah baca kena tegur kuat-kuat dengan abang-abang. Lepas tu buat bunyi 'tsk' tu. Semacam kami mengganggu momentum bacaan mereka. Adehh..

Itulah sedikit sebanyak celoteh tahun ni. Tahun ni pun saya tukar diet. Sahur tak mau makan nasi. Iftar pun ala kadar. Bak kata kawan, Nidzam - Makan banyak mengantuk masa tarawih. Tak naklah macam tu. Makan banyak dah tinggal berapa sunnah nabi dah, tambah mengantuk masa tarawih lagi sayang. Tambah pula ada syarat kena hilang 10kg. Harapan masih ada.. hehe

Makna dalam seharian Ramadhan
Tahun ini insya Allah, nak lebih usaha untuk melihat makna di sebalik Ramadhan. Betul-betul cuba untuk andai kata ini Ramadhan terakhir.

 " Dan Kami turunkan dari al-Quran itu sesuatu yang menjadi ubat (penawar hati) bagi orang-orang yang beriman". (Q.S Al-Isra' ayat 82)

Tilawah - dalam tilawah, tak mengejar berapa banyak kali khatam dah. Walaupun sekali khatam kelihatan terlalu sangat sedikit, saya cuba belajar untuk lihat manfaat dan hikmah di sebalik sunnah dan ibadah. Cuba lihat tafsir, baca terjemahan, betulkan makhraj. Bayangkan macam mana nabi Muhammad baca depan Jibril, macam itulah cuba untuk sampai. Ulang-ulang ayat yang dirasakan kena pada batang hidung -Ya ayyuhallazina amanu, ya ayyuhannas, kuntum, ayat-ayat sumpah dan sebagainya. Biar rasa dada penuh dengan redha dan iman.

I'adah - Alhamdulillah. Ada buku CMI Biro Akademik. Banyak kenangan seronok dalam biro tu. I'adah ini untuk pengetahuan pembaca membawa maksud mengulang hafazan. Dalam kes saya, 30 juz lah mengulangnya. Minimum kata seorang cikgu 3 juz sehari. Terbatuk dibuatnya. Tapi itulah, cuba merasai nikmat hafalan. Bila hafal, refleksi pada diri dan kehidupan. Kadang-kadang ayat simple boleh memberi kesan yang amat signifikan - Innallaha 'alimun bizatissudur. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam hati. Moga hati dapat berpuasa juga. Cari asbabun nuzul, mantapkan sirah dalam al Quran, pahat ayat-ayat taujih.

Solat - Cari makna dalam solat. Setiap lafaz, setiap rukun. Bila sujud, kepala sama dengan kaki, darjat terendah untuk mencari makna tertinggi. Cuba nak solat macam nabi dan sahabat solat. Khusyu'. Cuba nak menangis masa solat. Baca Fatihah, cuba nak merasai dialog dengan Allah. Betul-betul cuba khusyu'. Moga Allah kurniakan. Kalau imam baca masa tarawih, kita turut kumat-kamit. Menghayati setiap makna dalam bacaan. Terima kasih guru-guru Bahasa Arab dari Tadika Amal hingga Al-Amin Menengah, kalau saya tak tahu Bahasa Arab, ianya satu kerugian yang sangat besar.

Ibu-bapa - banyak tanggungjawab yang terlepas. Salah satunya, nak cuba pandang ibu bapa dengan pandangan kasih sayang dan rahmah. Memang kita sayang ibu bapa, cuma, saya jarang nak pandang betul-betul, nak zahirkan sayang itu. Masa nak berpisah memang salam memang cium pipi, tapi nak betul-betul pandang muka mereka lama-lama, entah tak terbuat. Tapi.. azam ye kawan-kawan. Kita azam khuruj, keluar dari jahiliyah ni selama-lamanya. Angkat tangan siapa nak.. (Rindu pulak nak pi khuruj dengan kawan-kawan tabligh..). Dah azam, kita buat. Jom. Azam.. start Ramadhan ni. :D Selalu tengok mak check adik-adik dah tidur. Usap-usap.. check nyamuk ada ke tak. Lap kalau tidur peluh-peluh. Selimutkan kalau terlucut. Entah-entah kat aku pun buat macam tuh.. siapa tahu. Aduh. Bahagia sungguh :) Apa kata kita pulak buat kat parents macam itu. Kalau mereka tertidur atas sejadah dengan telekung, kita tolong sorongkan bantal. Tertidur lepas solat asar penat mengajar di sekolah, kita tolong uruskan iftar. Masak nasi kan dah pandai! Haha.. lauk bantai la apa-apa. Kalau komplen tak sedap cakap lah kita makan ala kadar ikut sunnah.. Haha. Gurau. Itulah.. haq ibu bapa, banyak yang terlepas. Jangan lah kita khianati amanah Allah dengan kita ganti dengan haq kawan-kawan, haq awek dan boyfren, takpun haq cinta hati kita. Yang dah terlajak, kita sama-sama taubat. Ramadhan ini the best beginning untuk kita mulakan yang baru. Allah.

Adik-adik - yang dah besaq biaq pi depa la. haha. Yang kecik-kecik, berjanji untuk meluangkan masa lebih lagi. Main Angry Birds sama-sama, tengok documentary sama-sama(Sori..BabyTV memang gua tak layan. Derang suka tengok..gua tido terusssss.haha).

________________________________________________________

Itulah sedikit sebanyak yang ingin difokuskan.

Harapnya umur ini sempat sampai di akhir Ramadhan. Hati biar kasi putih.. biar hilang titik-titik dosa tu. Dan moga amal ini berterusan ke bulan-bulan seterusnya.

I'm sorry for my breakdown before. To my family, to my friends, and to you.

MINNI-ATGSN -LUAPG-ASTIT-MAIRQ  

Insya Allah.. :D Allahumma barik lana fi Ramadhan. Allahumma Amiin.

Written in the stars [Part 2]

I sat there. It was so dark. Not even the faintest of light I saw.

Yesterday was my birthday. I saw colors of prayers racing towards my God. Whether He answered it or not, it was up to Him. Prayers from my special friend I did not see, physically, nor hear, but I knew He will receive prayers from that friend. A far friend. Insya Allah. That friend gave me pearls of wisdom, yet never I heard from that person that night of my birthday. I did not mind. In the end, we ended with my prayer so both of us would survive. Amin. 

Here again I sat. Alone. Moment of solitude. At near-end of the universe I knew. I saw at my horizon of sight, a bright train of light. The train, it was full with blessings and rahmah. I had seen that train few times before in my life. Could not even remember how beautiful it was. The train still, it was a bit far. Not yet to arrive at my world. In few days I guessed.

The train rushed at full velocity towards my world. It was like the train itself was eager to meet its destination. It traveled on a long magnificent rail. Rail in which every thing in my world took place. Even me, and my other friends and other creation of His, almost all of them were subjected to these two-entities rail. Rail which consists of time and space. Some other than us did not need this kind of rail to move in this world. Some were subjected to one entity only, either space or time only, and some were subjected to none of these entities. These two entities carried that bright train leading it to my world. It seemed to me it will be a rain of blessings from my God when that train arrived at my world.

I was still here. Sat down alone. Took my 'sejadah' of repentance, wore my cloak of humility, covered my head with a fez full of remorse and regret. Took off my luxury attire of confusion, pride, and lie. Threw it away, and promised to myself to never wear that again. And I prayed. So I could survive.

"I hope.. I really hope that I could hitch that ride back to my world..a meaningful ride back to my world. A ride on the train of Ramadhan..Amin."

Written in the stars
A million miles away
A message to the main
Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I am on my way

Nak sampai dah.

Ramadhan dah hampir dah. Bulan yang sangat istimewa.. istimewa hadiah Allah yang Maha Pemurah. Dalam hati, berbunga. Bulan yang pada pendapat aku sangat meriah. Ditambah dengan kemeriahan orang-orang di sekeliling aku. Dari kecil sampai besar, aku lihat orang-orang Al-Amin, orang-orang Darul Quran, orang-orang UIA Gombak, dan ikhwah-ikhwah. Dan Alhamdulillah, mereka bukan jenis yang mensia-siakan Ramadhan. Jadi, pengalaman Ramadhan aku, semuanya bahagia dan 'penat'. Haha..biaso lah. Kalo dah berlumba tu mano tak penatnye ek.

Bulan Ramadhan makin hampir..terasa bahang kesejukan dan ketenangan(bahang ni bukang untuk panas ke?). Dalam halaqah pun sudah mula naik-naikkan mutabaah ibadah. Bagi warm-up, supaya masa Ramadhan sampai lactic acid tak banyak sangat terkumpul sampai cramped dalam diri kita. Kalau di masjid UIA, selalu rasa tercabar. Pakcik-pakcik tua duduk saf depan, semua 20 raka'at depa rebut. Kaki boleh jugak nak tercabut masa tu. Cemburu dengan kekuatan.

Jadi apa lagi. Jom sama-sama merebut ruang untuk lebih dekat dengan Allah. Imam Malik ketika bulan Ramadhan, meninggalkan kitab-kitab Hadith beliau, dan segala aktiviti kecuali yang berkaitan dengan Al-Quran. Bulan Ramadhan, bulan al-Quran. Momentumnya kalau dimanfaatkan elok-elok cukup untuk mengistiqamahkan kita sepanjang tahun.

Zaman nabi, nabi akan berjumpa Jibril setiap malam untuk al-Quran(HR Bukhari, Ibnu Abbas). Tapi kita macam mana? Aku merasakan satu kerugian jika kita mahu muhasabah dan insaf apabila Ramadhan telah bermula. Jadi, untuk menjadi orang yang betul-betul mendapat manfaat, aku merasakan kalau sebelum ini belum bermula lagi, seeloknya boleh bermula sekarang. Supaya kita hidup dan mati dengan gembira.

p/s : tak sabar.. Allahumma barik lana fi sya'ban, wa ballighna Ramadhan.. 
p/s 2: al fatihah untuk Dr Lo'lo'. A prominent Muslimah.. may Allah bless her.

Pulang

Setiap manusia akan kembali kepada Allah.. Mengungkap kata-kata Syeikh Khalid, sebagaimana kita singgah di 'rahim' ibu sebelum dilahirkan ke dunia, begitulah juga kita akan singgah di 'rahim' bumi sebelum kita menemui Pencipta kita.

Petang tadi selepas solat jumaat, aku mendapat beberapa mesej. Ustaz Zaki, seorang warga pendidik Al-Amin, merangkap kawan rapat keluarga aku, pergi terlebih dahulu menemui Ilahnya. Buat seketika, tangisan kesedihan terbit. Dada seperti kecut, terkejut dengan berita tersebut. Baru beberapa bulan lepas, kami melawat beliau. Muka beliau bersih, dan semakin kurus. Batu karangnya sebesar penumbuk. Dipesan elok-elok pada kami, anak-anak muridnya agar menjaga makan dan minum supaya tidak menyesal di hari tua.

Seketika, terimbas kisah lama bersama beliau. Selaku jiranku sedari aku kecil, beliau mengenali aku dengan dalam. Dan agak banyak aku dan adik-adikku mengusik ahli rumahnya, membaling batu, dan bermacam lagi yang boleh dibuat oleh budak-budak nakal. Bukan sekali dua kami dimarahi dan disyarah. Jikalau ada yang bertanyakan peribadi beliau, aku mengatakan beliau seakan-akan Umar al Khattab. Garang dan keras, namun rendah diri dan lembut hati.

Beliau mengajarku di sekolah menengah. Sekali lagi. Bukan sedikit tangan kami berbirat dirotan beliau. Rindu benar-benar terasa ketika kami melawat beliau setelah beliau berpindah. Lawat kami bukan di rumah, tapi di hospital. Terkejut dengan rupa baru ustaz. Sangat kurus. 

Ustaz ahli teras IKRAM. Seorang huffaz. Juga seorang pengamal tomoi. Beliau berasal dari Thailand. Beliau juga bertemu Ilahnya di sana, Yala. 

Mengenal ma'zirah

Dan (ingatlah) ketika segolongan di antara mereka berkata: "Mengapa kamu menasihati kaum yang Allah akan membinasakan mereka atau mengazabkan mereka dengan azab yang amat berat?" Orang-orang (yang memberi nasihat) itu menjawab: "(Nasihat itu ialah) untuk melepaskan diri dari bersalah kepada Tuhan kamu, dan su.paya mereka bertaqwa". [Al A'raf:164]

 Alhamdulillah, beliau mengenalkan kepada aku konsep ini. Dapat ianya terpahat bersama-sama dengan birat di tangan. Masya Allah, sehingga sekarang dari tingkatan dua, ayat ini masih segar. T.T

Pesanan terakhir
Jaga Quran..jaga Quran.. jaga Quran.
Insya Allah, ana akan jaga Quran baik-baik..
Buat seketika, tangisan kesedihan terbit. Namun, kini tidak lagi. Aku tersenyum. Ustaz sudah pulang..menemui kekasih ustaz :)

Moga ustaz ditempatkan bersama-sama yang diberi nikmat oleh Allah..Amin

Growing seed..

Giant. It's a place that my brothers and sister like to go to, especially Ayaz and Saif. My littlest two brothers. And, lately maybe due to peer pressure, they formed a trend of buying Koko-crunch and Honey Star, in which our family boycott it. And they have a very high persuasive power, and if the persuasion did not come to fruition, they used their last resort - getting cranky.

And so, I started to show them videos and clips about Palestine. About how the Israelis soldiers attacking kids and old people, and et cetera. And they did show their sympathy and concern by making sad faces and sympathetic impressions. And they also learned to spot 'orang jahat's attire. After all, Ayaz often with me and Naim when we were playing Call of Duty. Spotting bad guys was not so hard for him. Slowly, I talked with them, about how the money flows and all of it. About our stance in helping the Palestinians besides praying and removing 'zionistic influence' in ourselves. And I talked to them about how Nestle involves. They often watch things with me, especially during "How the Universe works" in Discovery, explaining this to them won't be a problem. Or so I thought.

So, the field test time came. We went to Giant again. And we went to the cereal section. Suddenly, Ayaz and Saif asked for Koko-crunch. I reminded them on the spot. And they agreed. We chose other non-Nestle cereal. 'Alhamdulillah'.. but, suddenly at the counter, Ayaz and Saif said to my mom, "Mama..tak nak yang ni, tak sedap..nak korunch(short form for koko-crunch)". I talked to them again and again softly, but they refused. And so I thought, this ought to be a long process. When they grow up, they will understand. Insya Allah..

They are the growing seeds. I like to live my childhood dreams in them. And one day, may the be the best of the best. Insya Allah..

Tender them with love and care

p/s : This is a video, made by a senior(I posted about him once Au Revoir) for our Hari Guru, and I feel like crying. I miss him so much, and I hope he'll do fine there. Video