Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Written in the stars [Part 1]

I began to ask myself.. where am I?

I remembered. I left my physical vessel. Flying astrally. I marched to the sky. Meeting celestial guardians.

I passed the seven gates of smaller kingdoms. I ascended higher, I saw Her. She was beautiful. Magnificent. I wondered. Will I be here again? I love Her. I live in Her. If I had the time, I would be there to watch Her for the rest of my life. But, time was something I did not have. Could I make it in time?

I walked. I saw these beautiful balls circumambulating the infernal rose. She included. These balls hanged to the rose of the inferno - by strings of balance and equilibrium. Of gravitational and centrifugal. Delicate balance. I looked, nearest to the rose was ball of melted iron. I didn't even think of going there. Farthest was a sphere of gases and ices. This system seemed to me like a live night dancing hall. Enchanted by magic laws of the King of kings.

I ascended higher. Further. Hoping to meet my Creator. I saw the gigantic astounding garden where She lived. Where I lived. The infernal rose she was attached to with other balls seemed so tiny within the garden. I saw some flowers were dancing, spinning, burning, exploding, and releasing jets of stunning smells. Some died and shone the whole world. They died beautifully. Some evolved into smaller and denser flowers. Some met their mates - forming a binary system. Made love until the day they died. But,they did not just die. New young flowers bloomed from the death of their ancestors, ruins of the ancients. Just like they said "From ashes springs new life". His beautiful astounding creatures of this lower sky served Him well. From the start to the end. They shone their lives with hamdalah, danced along their paths with takbir, and died with tasbih. Allah.. Forgive me. My heart sank deeper. What was I to Him?

I said to myself.. Be strong. This long dark road will end one day. I ascended faster to the High end of the world. I knew, I would find Him. Along the way.. I saw thousands of gardens. Super clusters of gardens. The gardens were beautiful. Various colors shone and billions of flowers in them - showing off. The vast arena of beautiful gardens beneath me presented themselves clearly. Hitting me deeper. These things - His creations were way more powerful and beautiful than me. In fact they were superior than me in almost every aspect. Yet..they uttered proudly names of their God. They praised Him days and nights - although technically there was no days and nights for them. They observed their rights to their God, and they executed their duties to their God sincerely. They were full of beauty and love. Love inspired by God. And the same love, inspired me.

I met thousands of heavy voids. Black and dark. What was it of I did not know. I was afraid. This creation of His resembled fear and evil. For I feared of the unknown. I saw those voids were eating lights of hopes. I also saw the smooth fabric of this world seemed to bend more around them. Same thing happened to the massive flowers of the inferno back there, but they tore the fabric more cruelly. No compassion or mercy to the mere magic of my world. Everything seemed so unlikely. I became afraid. I flew higher. I could not comprehend what was happening in and around them. I was so scared. I looked at them again. Their darkness stunned me. I thought of them - this was the destruction of all. They would engulf us when the time came. So.. there is no hope at all, I said. I exhaled slowly. There was no way those beautiful gardens would escape from these dark voids. Sadness covered me slowly. They were just so unknown and mysterious. I felt sorry for them, for Her, and for other humans left. Suddenly, I saw small glimpses of hope from the voids. I could never see hope if it wasn't escaping the voids.There was no way hope could escape from that. Yet.. my sight denied my flawed reasoning. I could not believe it. I moved closer..I saw light of hopes were flushing out from the center of those voids. Various kinds of light. Some shone the way.. Some triggered lives of new flowers. Some shaped new gardens. It puzzled me. How can the darkness itself bear such blessing? My candle of heart was rekindled with fire of hope. Again. I felt sorry for myself. How could I give up on Him? La tai'asu min rahmatillah. La tai'asu min rauhillah.

I left the magnificent clusters of super clusters of gardens and dark regions of heavy mysterious voids. It was getting darker. I rose higher. The bright view diminished below me. I ascended higher. I had never been here. This place was beyond my knowledge. Even out of my imagination. I could not rose higher. Some sort of barriers somehow was blocking me from going further and higher. I guess..this was the limit of human. The limit of my knowledge and imagination. Maybe here was the place they called 'The Giant Door'. There were seven skies, and I was in the first sky. Perhaps this was the gate. I could not pass through this. I remembered an amazing true story. About my beloved prophet, Muhammad and his journey, Isra' wal Mi'raj. ''Peace be upon you..oh My Love. I am sorry I can't be a good follower. I am trying..''

So this was the place. At the edge of the world I knew, I sat down. Hoping You could shed some light to me. I lifted my hands. I prayed. With my heart...................................''Ya Allah.. I do not know if I can withstand this anymore. Ya Allah..please. Show me the way... Please.. Please..''

Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, "None of you should wish for death  because of a calamity befalling him; but if he has to wish for death, he should say: 'O Allah! Keep me alive as long as life is better for me, and let me die if death is better for me.'"

Written in the stars
A million miles away
A message to the main
Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I am on my way


  1. The sky is HIS ancient gardens, only those who are willing to drop their crowns to raise their heads and wonder will receive the best of remembrance.

    and yet so many still keep hold to their false sense of ownership of HIS creation.

    beautiful words to describe HIS beautiful words, Jazakallahu Khaira

  2. I've heard about your conditions. I hope u'll b alrite.

  3. I'm not sure I understand,I kinda remember Arwah Hadi,he also discussing this kind of realm,something that maybe others hardly to understand.Hope you find the way,We'll be there if you need us.
    Allahuyashfiika ya akhi :)

  4. i bumped into your blog in the search engine. Outstanding article there.. emo abit but they way you depicted them was amazing.

    stay well brother..

  5. Why HER instead of HIS?

    What are you trying to express here?

  6. HIS refers to Allah's. HER is something else.. but not Allah. And HER is His creation too. Laisa kamithlihi syai'a.

  7. Bill - thank you.. they are beautiful right? :)

    Auzaie - Amin.. :)

    anon - amin

  8. Why her is in capital? I doubt the journey because I don't understand. Hopefully it brings you to a place where there is a way out from the unstableness of mind.

    And I believe you perceived Her as a creation of God which is not yours, but you dreamed of it. The fact is that every creation is momentary. So do feelings. Learn the fact slowly.

    Will keep on praying for the best. You'll be ok! (McFly)

  9. You have the freedom to doubt it in any way you want.. Amin. Insya Allah.

    I'll never own HER. SHE is something that no human can own. Learning.

    Thank you.. insya Allah. You too. And what the hen is McFly?

  10. oh. It's a song. Best!

  11. tiada istilah berputus asa utk seorang mukmin
    setiap kejadian atau apa yang berlaku
    adalah qada dan qadar ALLAH SWT, ketentuan-NYA
    redhalah, kerana bila redha hati akan tenang
    dan menjadi ikhlas utk meneruskan perjuangan
    hidup kita dalam mencari redha dan cinta ALLAH

    berbalik pada hakikat
    soal pada diri kita
    kenapa perlu berputus asa
    apa tujuan hidup kita
    kenapa ALLAH jadikan kita manusia ini
    sebagai khalifah di muka bumi-NYA
    jadilah sebenar2 hambanya
    dgn mengabdikan diri pada-NYA
    mencinta-NYA, dekatkanlah diri kita dgn-NYA
    {ini tdk bermakna kita trs tinggalkan kehidupan dunia, kita bekerja sepeti
    biasa, bergaul sesama manusia , berkasih syg dsb {berlandaskan syariat yg ditetapkan}

    yakinlah dengan ALLAH
    kerana ALLAH Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang
    ALLAH tidak pernah zalim pada hamba-NYA
    ALLAH memberi pada kadar kemampuan hamba-NYA
    ALLAH Maha Mengetahui segalanya dan apa yg terbaik buat hamba-NYA
    merintih, memohon dan berdoalah pada-NYA
    InsyaALLAH ALLAH Maha Mendengar dan Maha Melihat


Sila lah komen. Untuk perkongsian ilmu, teguran membina, dan pengerat ukhuwwah.