Last Ramadan, I behaved very abnormally. I was having some kind of confusion and loss control. It was like all of my unresolved life's conflicts surged all at once. I didn't return home. I traveled from mosque to mosque, iktikaf and sometimes, I slept at a bus stop at Greenwood, just to find answers and clear my head. My parents were very worried. During that time, my father sent me a single text message. He said whatever I was going through at that time, face it like a man and always remember, my parents will always be there for me, come home. Upon reading the text, my fear swept away. I felt safe and secured, I felt at home in my heart. I did not know what was I afraid of, and still do not know now. I don't know what had happened, but it was a very miserable moment.
And here, I have the same 'home' feeling. Apart from my weekly call to my parents and little cute chubby brothers and my daily text message to my little sister, I feel like home when reading the Quran. Reading the Quran makes me feel safe and secured. It gives me a very deep tranquility. It is like every ayat is intended for you. And it feels hard to turn to another page because of how beautiful your heart interacts with the page, but it also feels very excited and curious for what is waiting for you at the next page.
This Ramadan is a very blessed Ramadan. I got to have iftars with ikhwah at baitul ikhwah here in Penang. I got to learn from my naqib, who went to Gaza last year's Ramadan. The way he described Gaza and al Aqsa, oh, I really wish I could die there syahid, and be buried with syuhada'. Allahuma amitni bi mauti syuhada'. ALhamdulillah, this week I will be tasked as a bodyguard and personal assistant for an Imam from Gaza who came here. His name is Imam Mu'min. My duty will start tomorrow. I want to learn as much as possible from him.
May Allah help us all in improving ourselves.
ALhamdulillah for the life I'm having now :)