Monday, June 25, 2012
I Will Love You Forever
Dah sampai masa, adik-adik aku dah makin besar. It's time for me to let go, and not being worried. Biar dulu banyak kali tegur, marah, bengang sebab tak do their best in life, tapi sekarang dua orang dah besar. Naim dah masuk UIA PJ, Iman akan masuk Kolej Professional MARA Julai ini, di Kuantan, in which if YOU read this, please check on her if you have time. I've already passed her name to PIC kawasan, but just in case, would you mind to check on her once a while di sana?
Being an abang sulung is not an easy task. Heavy burden and expectations from parents, and at the same time, in my case, enjoying my life. If there are problems in the family, it's you who takes charge. You'll be a mediator if anything critical happens between your parents and your fellow siblings, and you be the pressure-person if your fellow siblings sometimes lost their ways. And also you'll be a constant reminder for your parents, and because you are their first-born, you know your parents the most. And you know sometimes, it's better to sacrifice yourself for the sake of keeping the family intact. You are the one who holds both secrets from your parents and your siblings. Your siblings entrusted their secrets to you, although sometimes you figure them out. Your parents also discussed most of their problems with you. It's on your shoulders your parents cried, and it's you who'll take the blame if something happens to your siblings. It's natural.
You'll be the one your parents see if both of them had problems with each other.
Being a boy has another setback. You love your family so much, but you don't have the means to show your love, except by action. You don't know how to express 'I love you', yet you kissed your parents' cheek every time nak keluar rumah. You don't know how to bermanja, except when you fell sick, you take the chance to baring atas peha emak. To be tended and taken care of. When you are healthy, you are expected to be independent again and set examples for your siblings. Atau masa naik motor dengan ayah, dapat peluk puas-puas kat belakang. You protect your family, and when someone messes with your family, either you have the courage to let your siblings settle it as a growing person, or you take charge and someone will be sorry.
Being a first born and a boy will turn you as an expert of unspoken love. It's just lately that I have the courage to tell 'I love you' face to face to my parents, even though in my heart, those faces are the faces that I remember almost every second of my life. My solat will never be perfect without prayers included for my parents and siblings. I utter their names more than I could remember in my prayers after solat and ma'thurat every day. My successes were all fueled by the inspiration to make my parents proud. I myself don't really want all that. What I want is to make my parents and siblings proud.
Most of the times, I let my siblings solved their own problems. So they could grow up as a strong person.
I'm a person of silence. I don't know how to show my love. I'm learning slowly how to show my love, with the presence of my two little brothers Ayaz and Saif.
Ianya rindu yang memacu kehidupan. Rindu pada keluarga, rindu yang teramat sangat pada Nabi Muhammad. Dalam solat dan doa, dalam tahiyat dan selawat, kerinduan yang membuatkan hati ini terus segar dan kukuh menolak jahiliyah-jahiliyah hari ini. Jahiliyah di luar diri, juga jahiliyah dalam diri. Jahiliyah yang merosak hati. Rindulah yang menzahirkan cinta, moga Cintaku pada Rabb lebih diutamakan.
Allahumma amitna bi mauti syuhada'.
To Naim and Iman, choose your own path, and choose wisely. Hidup ini untuk Allah, and hanya untuk Allah. Make sure everything revolves around that. Sandarkan setiap pilihan pada Allah, insya Allah tak ada penyesalan. Don't be afraid to fail, for experience is a great teacher. Jangan tinggal tarbiyah, sebab tarbiyah itu darah dan jantung kehidupan. Other than that, I as your brother, will support your decision if it's according to the will of Allah, and if it isn't, I will always be there to set you straight. I'm a guardian, assigned by Allah to guard you, and I will keep you safe until the day Allah takes my life. Love you.
The above picture tells about the character I adore the most, Uchiha Itachi. Read about him, and you'll find a very valuable principle that governs his life.