Swimmer's ear - a gift on the first night of Ramadhan

Before Ramadhan, two weeks to be exact, I got an ear infection due to my frequent swimming workout. Funny thing is, the infection I was getting in the outer ear was known as 'Swimmer's ear'. Or scientifically, otitis externa.

The first days were very painful. I couldn't dive deeper because my right ear felt so painful, it sounded like it was cracking inside. I went to buy earplugs, but kept losing it in the pool whenever I did my flip turn. But the ear became worse. Eventually, in two days, I lost almost 70% of my hearing on the right ear. It was my habit to clean up my ear after a swimming session, but obviously it was not enough. My sleep was interrupted due to sudden surge of pain and constant ringing in my right ear.

I went to the doctor. I took the ear drops and oral antibiotics. What happened was, some water was left near my eardrum, it clogged and made surrounding area suitable for bacteria, hence the infection. My ear canal was swelling, and also my eardrum didn't vibrate the way it should. Even the otoscope almost did not fit into my ear.

So, the days of misery began. I valued music. I listened to the Quran, songs, and music, and I often wondered how beautiful music would be in the Heaven. I was specifically grateful for the hearing that Allah had bestowed upon me, more than any other parts of my body. Then, when my right ear failed to function properly, I somehow freaked out.

My hearing became muffled, I failed to detect where the sound was coming from. And I could hear the sound next to my ear like it was 2 meters away. The ringing was somehow constant and it made me a bit off balanced. The ringing sounded like after you hear the flash bang. The ringing felt so close to my ear. My balance was off. Suddenly, I valued my hearing more than I had ever imagined.

I read the story of Urwah bin Zubair. How when his leg was amputated, his friend said 'Bergembiralah, kerana anggotamu itu telah mendahuluimu ke syurga..'. The last word my right ear listened to was al Mishary just before I went to sleep. So, as to calm myself, I also told myself the same thing. Getting myself prepared just in case I lost my right ear. Allah wanted to test me I thought, and I was going to be ready. To some people, it might not be important. But to me, my hearing is important. Especially when it comes to listening to music. How I appreciate details in the piece. Still, my hearing was from Allah.

I kept snapping and clapping slowly beside my right ear just to know when will my hearing come back. I went to the doctor twice, and the doctor told me that the infection still didn't go away. I got two kinds of ear drops later. More intensive. In one week, if I hadn't got better, he would refer me to an ear specialist. It was very tense. My right ear felt right it got a veil that blocked my hearing. A veil so close to my ear.

I told my mum about it. And I got a lecture on not-to-swim-again. I understood how she felt. Sometimes, when you get older, it was good to hear your mum's lecture. Missing those old days haha. My friends and lecturers were so supportive.

During the last evening of Syaaban, just before Ramadhan, I was at the mosque. Getting ready for the azan of the first night of Ramadhan. I was at the first saf, tilawah. Felt so pumped up. Although my right ear failed to function, it failed to stop my surge of excitement for the Ramadhan. Getting my FB and Twitter deactivated few days prior, I was sure to get a good warm up.

Like a novel, when the digital clock was beeping for Maghrib, I saw the bilal went to the mike. I stood up and felt very excited. 'Allah, here I come' I said. Then, miraculously, when the azan started 'Allahu Akbar!', masya Allah, the veil that had been blocking my right ear seemed to be gone. The hearing was still muffled, but my hearing was coming back! If before I could only hear 20-30%, it became up to 50-70%. I could really feel the difference. My tears broke out, and there I sujud syukur for my hearing in the middle of the azan. It was no coincidence. It was amazing. It felt amazing. It was like the bubble that had been blocking my right ear popped. And then suddenly the sound became much clearer.

Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for my both ears. For all my parts of body, and family.

Now, I can hear up to 90% Alhamdulillah, no more pain, fever, ringing and off-balance.

1. I learned how to speak more slowly. Try closing both your ears with your fingers, and speak very slowly. You could hear it clearly. When my right ear failed to function properly, I hear what I said louder than normal. So I began to speak more slowly.

2. I couldn't wait to get back into the swimming pool. Missing swimming so much. My doctor refrained me from swimming till the ear infection had gone.

3. Syukur itu lebih tinggi martabatnya dari sabar.

4. Swimmers! Always be ready for this. Get yourself an ear drop to clean your ear after swimming. Maintain the pH of your ear, and avoid over-cleaning.

5. Some of you might wonder how I know that percentage of hearing. Hoho. I test it with my left ear and check the clarity over distance times 100.

6. Our hearing is one of the most amazing mechanism ever existed. It worked simultaneously with our brain. One of it is positioning. Good hearing works with our brain to position and trace where the sound comes from just from its amplitude and frequency. Try this 3d sound, barbershop, and say Alhamdulillah :) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA)

Happy Ramadhan guys!

Catatan pengalaman bekerja di MAHA International 2012

* Ini catatan peribadi. Tidak mewakili individu mahupun institusi lain.

Alhamdulillah. Cuti kali ini aku isikan dengan manfaat, insyaAllah. Moga Allah redha. Aku bahagikan masa untuk keluarga aku - duduk rumah, main game dengan adik-adik besar, jalan-jalan dengan adik-adik kecil, malah ketika aku menaip post ini adik-adik kecil sedang bermain basikal di belakang aku. Aku cakap pada adik-adik kecil aku, nak jadi budak sejati kena naik basikal biar jatuh luka berdarah lutut siku berkali-kali. Belajar dari kesilapan. Macam aku dulu. Ceh. Sampai pokok jambu yang tinggi itupun aku panjat buat gaya kelawar kalau jatuh mesti patah tengkuk. Lepas itu balik kena rotan. :)

Masa aku bahagikan juga untuk pergi ke seminar-seminar, majlis ilmu, kuliah dan kursus. Membaca tidak lekang pada malam-malam yang kosong alhamdulillah. Walaupun buku Raheeq Makhtum belum habis baca, sebab terlalu banyak ilmu untuk dicatit dan dihurai dalam buku itu. Aku perlu catit isi-isi penting semasa membaca, termasuk rujukannya. Supaya senang dirujuk suatu hari nanti. Selain itu, aku menulis balik apa yang dah jadi input, supaya lebih memahami untuk amalan. Buku-buku nipis alhamdulillah habis dibaca. Buku yang aku rasa paling memberi impak ialah What I Believe oleh pakcik Tariq Ramadan dan juga Dahsyatnya Ibadah oleh Pak Amr Khalid.

Dan lagi sebahagian masa cutiku untuk bekerja. Alhamdulillah, kali ini dapat job di MAHA International 2012. Sebagai crew yang menjaga 'show ground' laman ternakan dan laman jentera, under department Outdoor - Exhibition and Operation - MARDITECH. Aku mendapat seorang partner yang bernama Azizi, seorang guru dan performer Qasidah. Kami mula bekerja 2 hari sebelum MAHA bermula. Aku keluar rumah pada pukul 7.30 (more or less) dan perjalananku di atas motor mengambil masa selama 45 minit tops sebelum aku sampai di tempat aku bekerja. Masa aku bekerja berakhir kebiasaannya pada pukul 11 malam, kalau debrief berjalan lancar.

Laman Ternakan
Alhamdulillah. Tugas aku secara basicnya agak mudah. Meronda dan memantau area ternakan dan machinery, menugaskan kontraktor dan electrician andai terdapat masalah pada wiring dan khemah, menjadi tempat pertanyaan pengunjung andai terdapat apa-apa inquiry atau masalah, dan yang terakhir handle exhibitor dan peniaga secara matang dan berhemah dan membawa perkara berkaitan ke pihak yang berkaitan.

Area ternakan sangatlah luas. Banyak crew lain yang mengatakan area kami terlalu luas hanya untuk kami berdua sahaja cover. Alhamdulillah, dua-dua ada motor. Tak ada masalah sangat. Cuma nak cover area yang perlu berjalan kaki amatlah besar. Terutamanya bila perlu sweep the area every hour or two hours.

Laman ternakan adalah kawasan yang sangat interesting. Terdapat pameran ternakan hidup yang mempamerkan rusa, kambing, ayam, arnab dan juga lembu. Dalam dewan pameran ternakan pula ada burung-burung dan ayam-ayam yang sangat cantik, dan harganya sangat mind-blowing. Fasa kedua pameran juga ada pameran kucing. Meluangkan masa selama hampir dua minggu di area ternakan, aku sudah mula mengenali manakah lembu yang baik bakanya, manakah baka pedaging dan baka tenusu. Aku mula mengenali Charolaise, juga baka Limousine. Aku mula menyayangi baka Brahman. Aku mengagumi baka baru yang dibangunkan oleh MARDI iaitu Brakmas. Saban pagi sewaktu membuat rondaan pagiku pergi dari satu pameran ke satu pameran bertanyakan apakah masalah yang ingin dilontarkan dan diselesaikan, aku mengisi sela-sela masaku dengan membelai-belai lembu-lembu itu. Sangatlah besar lembu-lembu yang berada di situ, ada yang menyamai ketinggianku. Aku juga mula mengenali kambing Boer yang membawa baka yang sangat bernilai. Kambing African Dwarf yang saban hari akan ada pengunjung yang bertanya dimanakah dapat mereka membeli kambing itu. Sempat juga aku bermain-main dengan arnab - Teddy Bear, juga Holand Hop, dan Red Eye. Pada waktu petang, aku akan membaca ma'thurat di sebelah kawanan rusa jinak. Kali pertama aku mendengar bunyi rusa merengek. Sepanjang 21 tahun aku hidup, tidak pernah sekali pun aku mendengar rusa bersuara, tapi Alhamdulillah aku mendengar suara itu semasa aku bekerja di situ. Di situlah aku tahu betapa bernilainya tanduk rusa, Velvet.

Tidak lupa juga kepada binatang yang sangat comel dan setia kepada tuannya, sugar glider. Binatang ini dia akan setia sampai dia mati. Selalu je nampak orang jalan-jalan sambil sugar glider ini duduk atas bahu tuan dia. Tanpa diikat. Harga asas RM200. Perrh.. Terbatuk-batuk masa first time dengar. Tapi masih tak boleh lawan harga ayam dan burung [RM 500-3000], kambing dan lembu.

Aku juga sempat berjumpa dengan ayam yang sangat besar, Giant Coachin, hampir sama tinggi dengan pinggang Saif. Juga ayam-ayam yang tak pernah aku nampak seumur hidupku. Aku tak nak belai-belai ayam. Sebab dulu selalu kena kejar dengan ibu ayam masa kecil. Aku berpeluang duduk bersama-sama volunteers dan veterinars yang meluangkan masa untuk berjuang demi binatang-binatang. Aku berjumpa dengan pelajar-pelajar yang menjadi rescue team untuk anjing dan kucing semasa masa lapang mereka. Terima kasih aku ucapkan pada Save A Stray Malaysia dan Scratch(Kucing Terbiar Anjing Jalanan) sebab memberi aku peluang untuk duduk bersama-sama dan menimba ilmu. Hari pertama aku berjumpa mereka, aku terus bertanya, macam mana mereka beroperasi. Aku meminta kad untuk dihubungi dan aku memberitahu mereka, aku ingin membuka satu pusat perlindungan binatang bila aku besar nanti. Sebelum tiba masa itu, aku ingin belajar sebanyak-banyaknya dengan mereka. Terlalu banyak kezaliman dan ketidakadilan terhadap binatang yang telah berlaku. Dan aku membenci setiap saat apabila aku tak berdaya untuk membantu dan hanya mampu untuk berdoa.

Laman Jentera
Berada di dalam bidang kejuruteraan berasaskan elektrik, tidaklah susah untuk aku menghargai betapa bernilainya jentera-jentera yang dipamerkan. MasyaAllah, yang dipamerkan lebih 90 peratus produk tempatan. Seperti mesin mengupas buah kelapa, buah rambutan malah buah durian! Macam-macam mesin dan jentera ada. Jawatanku sebagai crew yang memantau area jentera memudahkan aku untuk berjumpa sendiri manager-manager pameran dan bertanyakan mengenai inovasi produk, kolaborasi dan kerjasama, malah peluang pekerjaan. Saat itu, aku berasa bangga menjadi warga Malaysia.

Electricians dan aku
Alhamdulillah, kebanyakan masa aku bekerja, aku meluangkan masa untuk belajar mengenai asas-asas power dan elektrik. Aku pergi berjumpa bos electrician meminta izin supaya dapat ikut sama-sama dan memerhati kerja-kerja yang dilakukan. Antara sebab utama mengapa kulit aku rentung di bahagian lengan dan muka adalah disebabkan aku berada di lapangan tak kira masa hujan atau panas. Sebab kuasa elektrik sangat penting untuk pameran dan maintenance, jadi keutamaan adalah untuk mengembalikan kuasa elektrik kepada dewan, exhibitor dan peniaga. Asalnya tugas aku hanyalah memaklumkan pada kontraktor di mana tempat bermasalah, tapi alang-alang dah ada peluang, apa lah sangat kotorkan seluar baju berpanas dan berhujan nak dibandingkan dengan pengalaman yang dapat. Ada 3 technicians Bangla, seorang Indonesia, dan seorang Melayu. Merekalah kawan-kawan aku semasa aku bekerja di sana. Mereka sering dimarahi dan dimaki oleh exhibitor dan peniaga bila ketiadaan power, dan akulah yang akan berada di sana untuk meredakan keadaan, dan kadang-kadang bila hilang sabar, exhibitor pula akan dapat lecture aku mengenai basic consumption of power. Orang kita ini pelik, khemah dipower untuk kegunaan pameran. Jadi bila mereka pasang dua tiga extension untuk charge laptop, handphone, tambah lampu, tambah freezer tambah kipas kaki, laptop pula kalau boleh satu khemah itu nak lima laptop. Kemudian bila wayar terbakar, connector cair, plug meletup mula nak mengamuk. Kalau marah itu normal, tapi bila yang dihambur adalah maki hamun sumpah seranah, aku rasa kasihan pada electricians ini.

Tapi exhibitor macam itu tak semua. Ramai sahaja yang bila dah setel masalah, bagi kami susu free, daging kambing free dan macam-macam lagi. Pada hari terakhir, aku belanja mereka makan dan aku salam dan peluk mereka. Rasa sedih juga nak berpisah. Ceh. Tacing pulak.

Ada juga DJ yang tak reti nak perlahankan volume masa azan. Siap karaoke lagi. Aku cakap elok-elok tiga kali sepanjang dua minggu aku bekerja. Pada hari kedua terakhir, masa azan Maghrib berkumandang, mereka berkaraoke dengan sangat kuat. Sebenarnya ramai exhibitor dan visitor yang complain, tapi sebab DJ tersebut ada di situ melalui 'orang atas', bila ditegur jadi tak lut. Masa itu, aku terus melangkah dengan perasaan yang meluat, aku naik stage pergi pada PA system, aku cakap "Abang-abang kakak-kakak sekalian, saya ini student power engineering. Setakat saya nak short-circuitkan PA abang ni sekejap je saya boleh buat, abang nak saya bagi port dekat speaker abang terbakar pun saya boleh buat, tu semua basic bagi saya. Sekarang ni tengah azan, saya minta tolong hormat. Tutup karaoke, kalau tak nak tutup alih speaker tempat lain jangan sampai saya dengar. Kita orang Islam, tolong hormat. Terima kasih." Dan aku berlalu pergi. Masa itu marah sangat. Di area ternakan dan machinery, ada 3 DJ. Lagi dua DJ siap pasang azan lagi. DJ satu ini aku pun tak faham kenapa tak boleh hormat. Walhal orang Islam.

Kismot, Sulaiman, Salman dan An.

An dan Ijal

Bharat

Yang semua di atas ini group pertama. Mereka handle khemah punya electrical component dan wiring, generator dan distribution box. Ada lagi satu group electricians, under company 2J handle bahagian lain. Dengan kedua-dua group ini lah aku bersama sepanjang MAHA. Macam-macam aku belajar. Daripada troubleshoot problems sehingga merasa kena renjatan sampai sakit jari masa hujan. Pengalaman yang amat bernilai.

Bosses
Aku ada tiga boss atas aku. Boss under Outdoor, namanya Firdaus aka Fida. Dia seorang yang sangat sempoi, muda dan belum berkahwin. Sporting dan masuk dengan orang-orang muda. Sebab dia pun muda. Daripada dia aku belajar pengurusan dan PR yang baik.  Atas Fida, namanya tak nak aku sebutkan. Sebab dia seorang yang sombong. Atasnya lagi merupakan manager MAHA, namanya Encik Joehan. Kami panggil Encik Joe. Walaupun agak tua, tapi punya lah humble dan 'rock' kalau perkataan ini sesuai. Walaupun first day ada staff dah kena tengking, kami crew Operation alhamdulillah dia kamceng.

Tertinggal topi aku atas motor dia pula.

Nak ceritanya, tiap-tiap hari masa aku check in, di HQ Operation and Exhibition, ada motor Harley Davidson. Sampainya lagi awal dari kami, crew Operation, perginya lagi lewat dari kami. Jadi kami tak tahu siapa tuan dia. Sampai hari ketiga terakhir, baru kami tahu itu motor Encik Joe. Aku ini faham-faham lah macam mana. Kalau nampak motor macam ini, mulalah excited. CC motor ini 883.

Hari terakhir aku berjumpa dengan seorang bro. Masa kami lunch di HQ, dia duduk bersama-sama kami. Sambil open kotak rokoknya, dia bercakap "Bro, aku masa muda dulu macam engkorang lah jugak. Tapi aku sesat jalan, Tuhan balas". Dia berkongsi macam-macam dengan kami. Dia berasal dari keluarga miskin, jual karipap sahaja. Dia berpesan, bila dapat duit yang penting sekali bagi pada parents dan family. Itu mesti utamakan. Dalam apa-apa hal. Yang kedua, jangan tikam belakang bila buat bisnes. Yang ketiga, nak cari partner, isteri atau kawan, cari yang sanggup susah sekali sama-sama. Yang terakhir, jangan sombong di dunia ini, dengan Tuhan dan manusia. Dia berkongsi mengenai bisnes, dari macam mana mula dengan korporat enterprise dan SDN BHD, kepada networking, kepada retails punya strategy dan marketing. Macam-macam juga aku tanya. Masa itu kami tak tahu siapa dia. Tapi dia pakai baju korporat. Boss kepada Fida masuk masa kami tengah makan sama-sama, dia kata pada bro itu, "Boss, kenapa duduk sekali dengan diorang ni?". Bro itu jawab "Asal, aku lepak sekali salah ke?". Boss kepada Fida jawab "Mana boleh. Diorang tak layak duduk sekali dengan boss. Lain taraf". Berdesing telinga aku dengar. Aku tak terasa langsung, tapi masa itu Fida yang merupakan staff ada sekali dengan staff-staff lain. Aku volunteer, memang tak terasa. Bro itu pun diam je. Bro itu pesan last sekali, "Ingat, bro jangan sombong. Kita ini bukan tuhan". Masa itu dia keluar, ada budak (visitor) tanya public phone di mana. Visitor itu cari parents dia. Bro itu ambil HP dia, tak fikir dua kali terus bagi visitor itu suruh call parents dia. Bila dia keluar HQ, itu dia, motor dia lagi tak boleh belah. Harley Davidson 1700 CC. Aku minta kad dia, dia bagi. Aku gelak seorang-seorang. Aku duduk lepak dengan electricians 2J, bro ini boss company ini rupanya. Company yang supply beratus-ratus khemah untuk MAHA 2012. MasyaAllah, moga Allah berkati bro ini.

Fida dan motor.

Ini semua boss under department aku. Sepanjang MAHA, ada je kes boss-boss bertumbuk. Ganas betul dunia pekerjaan ini. Bertumbuk betul-betul, sebab tension mungkin.

Colleagues

Mereka semua some of my colleagues under department kami. My good friends. Walaupun ada droput college, ada yang jenis merempit semua, tapi mereka ada taman dalam hati. Ada yang tak solat, tapi marah kalau orang yang solat lewat solat. Despite what people think, I choose to think good of them. Aku cuma sempat berborak, mengenali mereka dengan lebih dalam, dan berharap satu hari nanti Allah akan membantu mereka menjadi muslim yang lebih baik, kerana mereka orang baik-baik. Banyak aku belajar, moga Allah pelihara aku daripada ilmu tak bermanfaat. Apa-apa pun, aku rasa gembira dengan mereka sepanjang MAHA.

People
Kalau masa hujan, tak ada kes, aku akan duduk bawah bus stop. Tranportation di MAHA guna bus, trem dan trak. Jadi, akan ada ramai yang rehat-rehat bawah bus stop. Aku jumpa macam-macam orang di sini. Daripada acik microbiologist, abang tatoo, mak nyah peserta pertandingan kucing cantik, kepada pakcik tasawuf. Aku belajar dan timba pengalaman.

Paling seronok, bila ada seorang orang Arab datang, tunjuk "this, bus stop?". Aku faham dia kurang fluent dalam English, terus aku speak arabic. Walaupun kurang fluent, tapi dia faham. Paling bahagia bila dia cakap moga Allah berkati aku sebab bercakap dalam bahasa al Quran. Tacing kot, dah lah hujan masa itu, lagilah sentimental. Agaknya dapat tak jumpa Nabi masa di telaga kauthar nanti?

Aku rasa kita rakyat Malaysia, masih racism. Kita masih pilih nak hormat orang ikut bangsa. Kita treat bangla dan indon macam second class. I don't know about you, but I don't agree about this.

Conclusion
Alhamdulillah, Allah kurniakan aku peluang ini. Aku rasa puas, aku manfaatkan cuti kali ini without any regrets. Aku berpeluang belajar dari pelbagai lapisan orang. Now, it's time to focus untuk universiti pula.

p/s - awak, saya dah pergi HOM dah. Tapi tak sempat pergi STS sebab dah mula kerja, ingat nak sambung di Penang nanti :)
p/s 2 - kulit sudah rentung. Angkat lengan terus Ayaz dan Saif "Huyyoo!" sebab nampak jelas sempadan kulit terbakar dan kulit biasa. Iman balik rumah pun kata, kulit muka dah terbakar! :)

Saya nak jadi Engineer yang berjaya!

Sekadar hiasan.

I am now on my way to becoming a power engineer. Even in my wildest imagination, I've never dreamed about it. But, here I am. In Penang. Studying one the hardest branches of engineering, electrical. Coming to Penang have made me revised almost everything about my whole life. About how I view the world, how I handle my emotion - this is so true since I am a very bad first-timer, and most importantly why all things that have happened to me happened. Almost every day, after Subh prayer, I would look outside my room asking  to Allah the hikmah and pondering the moments. My room faced a huge field where cows grazed. I lived at 6th floor, so you can imagine how beautiful it could be. I love doing that. The air was so fresh and cold.

Allah lets me start anew :) 

By of His grace, I would wake up every day, and never failed to utter my syukur. My early day prayer would sound somehow like this;

"Oh Allah... I am thankful for everything. For my heart that never fails me to put my faith in You. For my eyes in which I can see beautiful things. For my nose - I could breath the cold air every morning. For my ears that often took me away blissfully when hearing Al Quran and music. For my intellect and my ability to observe that always made me stunned and humbled in front of Your genius creation. For blessing me with such an amazing family. For the love you gave me to love. For my feelings of care towards others. For Iman, in which with it I would strive to seek to understand the wisdom of good and bad in my life. For letting me becoming a Huffaz and giving me the chance to preserve it. For letting me to become an Ummah of Prophet Muhammad SAW. For giving me the way to embrace Islam as my way of life. And most importantly, without it my life would not mean a thing, for letting You being my God, and for letting me to be your servant. Bless me and bless my life, and bless the people I love". [This prayer was inspired along the way when I read buku Kecerdasan Asma'ul Husna. The book was so thick, and I was so laaaaazzzyy to renew it at the library, I had to pay RM 6.00 fine in the end. -.-]

My plan

Dulu-dulu, my mind is set to becoming a physicist. Now, I've set my aim to become an engineer. So, let me tell you my plan and you will help me by praying for me. I will finish my study and I will work for big companies like TnB. After four to five years, I would appeal to my employer to continue my master part-time, and ask my employer to sponsor my PhD. I want to do my master or PhD overseas, and I will bring my wife there. After finishing my PhD, I would to take on the 'Ir' title. After that, I plan to open up my own consultation firm. From there, I will apply to be a part-time lecturer. By entering academics arena, I will be able to do networking in academics research. Just like UPM did with Islamic University of Gaza, thanks to Dr Hafidzi. So, I plan to collaborate with Palestinians. My experience as a personal escort and interpreter for two Imam Muda Gaza last Ramadan have made realized, how much they suffer not only in terms of medicine and food, they lacked almost everything. Job opportunities to electrical power. Almost everything. And I cannot stand to let things go that way. After collaborating, I want to open up orphanage and animal care centre. Our prophet loved orphans and animals. I want to place the orphanage near Al-Amin or any MUSLEH school. So that they can attend the very special school in my heart and go through tarbiyah. And at nights, they will also be loving wardens waiting for them. Not wardens with cane and strictness, but wardens with smiles, patience, and heart. If we read Prophet Muhammad's sirah, we will realize that Prophet Muhammad had never once laid its hand on any kids. When kids came to him, he would play with them. He would hug them and cherish them. He would praise them. Rindunya Nabi :'(

And animal centre. I got three cats when I was in primary school. Kitty, Kidtun, Kittan. Kitty and Kidtun are cats with spots black and white. When I berkhatan (traditional and painful like api), I used to hang kain pelekat on top of me. People yang berkhatan traditionally would know this. During this period, those two naughty cats would jump over the kain pelekat. Macam saja-saja. Sometimes they 'accidentally' jump on the kain pelekat and on the spot and I would scream so loudly and painfully. Many times. My dad once made the decision to throw them away. My dad brought them so far from our home at night. My brother and I cried heavily. You know what happened? In the morning, when I opened the door, Kitty and Kidtun jumped on me. I was so happy. My Kittan died in a car accident. It meowed so weirdly in front of my house one day, its belly was crushed. After those three passed away, I've never had any animals in my life. I loved them. And dogs! Although I cannot touch dogs, and I love dogs and I often watched 'The Dog Whisperer', I want to hire people so that they can care for stray cats and dogs. The problem with The Dog Whisperer Cesar Milan's method in handling dogs is that they don't work for cats(Of course, the method was meant for dogs =.='). When I meet cats, I often try the techniques I learned from him to those cats. But as always, I'll end up looking like a fool trying to shh shh the cat to sit and stay. And the cats will always end up looking at me with the expression "Pehal mamat ni. Buang tebiat apa?" and go away ignoring me. Haha.

I want to start 'dapur amal' as in the US too. Few things I learned last year. There are many homeless people in Malaysia. I once slept at a bus stop near Jalan Raja Laut (my old bad habit - I tend up to wander at nights if I don't feel good and stop somewhere to sleep), an old man approached me asking for just RM2. I asked what for. He said, he was hungry. I gave him some money. If you want to know, there are a few 'dapur amal' di Malaysia. 'Dapur amal' is a food centre where people who don't have enough money to eat or just homeless can come and eat. For free. People who have never been through poverty would never understand. But we can try and be considerate. I myself never feel that poverty. I feel so pity when I see many 'pengemis' at mosque and pasar. We know ada tempat yang ada sindiket. My principle - I will help for now. Beli nasi untuk mereka, beli air. Bagi kuih untuk anak-anak mereka. Entah. I don't know. Prophet Muhammad in one story, gave a man money for him to buy an axe and find some firewood to sell. That's how we should help. But, for now, how? I don't know.

These are my aims for now.

And for that to come true, I must work hard. I think if I keep the pace as I did this semester, insyaAllah I will be there.

It's a long way to go. And it is not easy, I know. But now, I am working with a power engineer who owns a power company and at the same time a part-time lecturer. He supervised the RnD robotic team I am in. So, it is not impossible. I know.

Apa yang constant?

Dreams may change. Although mine are still not. The most important thing is, you know your true place. Why do you want to chase your dreams and how? Always keep Allah as your priority. Always.

And along the way, it can only be achieved by tarbiyah.

I choose to be in IKRAM. Each has their choices. One of my anak usrah chose to be in ISMA. He once asked me what are the differences between jemaahs? Alhamdulillah. I was taught to highlight ONLY the good of others. Not weaknesses. Although in the midst of critical analysis, we tend to open up other weaknesses, but no. We are Muslims, we don't do that. We choose to do da'wah not because we want them to join our jemaah. No. We choose to do da'wah because it is our responsibility. And we do da'wah to invite others to ISLAM. And we chose what we choose because we believe that is the best choice for us to convey Islam.

The moment my anak usrah chose to be in ISMA, yes, it disappointed me a bit. But, I must accept it. And I accepted it. The good moment came when we agreed, one day maybe when our generation led the jemaah, we may at last come to an understanding and join again as one. InsyaAllah. Or maybe not. Still, he is good with me till today. Like nothing happened.

So, regardless of our jemaah, we share the same responsibility. Either you are in PAS, tabligh, ISMA, or Haluan. We invite others to Islam, and we Islah each other. Da'wah and Islah. We have differences and SIMILARITIES. Look at our own body. Some cells bring oxygen, some cells defend the body from bad agents, some cells connect and respond. Brain decides, hand feels, foot walks, eye sees, nose smells, ear listens. Our own body is a great example of harmony. Harmony - differences are dealt effectively, and similarities dimanfaatkan optimally. We share the same goal.

Islam itu rahmah. Seluruh 'alam. Muslims and non-Muslims will feel it. If we practice Islam, truly, it will be rahmah. From the individual level where Islam shapes good persons. Good persons make happy family. Happy family makes good neighbour. Good neighbours form an understanding community. Community where religious rights are respected, understanding governs, and values uphold. Noble community demands clean and efficient administration where the demands are rooted from caring concern towards future generation and their welfare. A government where 'good governance' is applied. Muslims and non-Muslims work together to strive for a better world. A world where sensitive issues are countered with akhlaq and effective intellectual response. Think what would happen if all of Muslims behave the way we should behave.

What I wish to be the constant in my life? Tarbiyah :)

So that others, you and I may leave this world in peace. I want when my soul returns, Allah greets me as in Surah al Fajr.

 (It will be said to the pious): "O (you) the one in (complete) rest and satisfaction![27] "Come back to your Lord, Well-pleased (yourself) and well-pleasing unto Him![28] "Enter you, then, among My honoured slaves,[29] "And enter you My Paradise!"[30]

The English translation is insufficient. The verses themselves are beautiful. The arabic words used are so deep. Deeeeep... Memuncak kerinduan rasa.

Allahumma amitna bi mauti syuhada'.

All in all

1. JOM! Strive for a better life and a better world. Turn your dream into actions. Don't just sit there.

2. Baru habis seminar. Nanti kalau successfully double duit I'll share. Sekarang tak boleh lagi. Dia suruh ada bukti baru bagi tahu orang. The main speaker, successfully turn USD 1000 to 2 million USD in a year.

3. Tadi buat majlis pecah botol Ayaz. Bukan pecah berkecai macam tu. Cuma, just nak rasmikan pada ayaz lepas ni tak guna botol dah. "No bottles are harmed". Selepas ni Ayaz tak minum susu guna botol dah. Abang-abang kat rumah semua menjerit "Yes! Zaman kegelapan dah berakhir! Kezaliman botol susu dah berakhir!". Although ada lagi sorang maharaja botol susu - yang paling kecik Saif. [Kelihatan Saif gelak jahat sorang-sorang di sudut ruang tamu].

4. Malam ini pergi ini pulak.

Conclusion

:)

Update & Nikah Abu Bakr

Semalam bersama naqib masa sekolah menengah dahulu, Abg Sarep ke walimah junior kami yang berumur 19 tahun, Abu Bakr Abdullah. Anak pakcik Nicholas Sylvester. Kami berdua naik kereta ke Masjid As-Syafi'e di Taman Maluri. Dia bernikah dengan Khadijah 'Atifah, akhawat sebaya dengan Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr belajar di UTM Skudai dan Khadijah belajar di Mesir.

Bahagia tengok junior dah bernikah. Masa kami makan, kawan rapat aku dan abang kepada Abu Bakr, Omar datang berbual bersama kami. Aku tanya pasal mas kahwin, hantaran, dan perancangan selepas nikah pada abang dia. Alhamdulillah, baik. Mudah dan murah.

Masa kami nak pulang, jumpa ramai ikhwah-ikhwah senior. Presiden Pertubuhan IKRAM Malaysia pun datang, Dr Parid. Bersalam dan berbual sikit sahaja sebab dia pun sibuk. Abang Sarep lah yang seronok nak jumpa salam semua. Pakcik Syed Ibrahim ada, Dr Hatta ada, ramai sungguh. Sebelum nak balik, pakcik Nicholas tepuk belakang aku masa aku ucap tahniah pada dia. Seronok tengok muka dia seorang anak dah kahwin.

Abu, Khadijah, makcik dan pakcik :) Makcik dan pakcik ni sangat baik orangnya. Dua-dua sepadan. Pakcik Nicholas dan isterinya.

Baju pengantin lelaki memang kena gelak dengan abang Sarep sebab macam uniform Jepun. Still, to me it looks good.

Abu dan Abang Sarep [Kredit to Amir Mohsein atas gambar-gambar]

Dulu, masa darah pemuda baru nak bergelojak dengan syahwat dan nafsu, aku pernah tanya pada Abang Sarep kenapa walaupun puasa keinginan itu sangat-sangat kuat? Nabi kata puasa dapat 'hold' keinginan itu. Aku terus sambung soalan aku, aku bukan puasa fizikal sahaja, tapi pancaindera sekali. Tapi kenapa masih kuat dan mengganggu?

Jawapan dia sampai sekarang aku ingat. Adakah kita berpuasa dengan sebenar-benar puasa macam yang nabi maksudkan? Kekuatan datang dari dalam katanya. Inisiatif kita untuk menundukkan nafsu. Inisiatif dan kekuatan dalam diri untuk menolak tepi keinginan dunia untuk fokus pada akhirat. Puasa tahap yang ketiga - bukan sekadar menjaga pancaindera dan mengharapkan hasil, tetapi menjaga hati dari berbuat maksiat kepada Allah. Walaupun kecil. Walaupun ianya hanya lintasan hati.

Allahu Akbar.

Masa dalam kereta on the way balik ke rumah (Yes, he picked me up, and he sent me home. I refused, he insisted), banyak dapat mutiara berharga daripada Abang Sarep. Dia jadi driver untuk kedua-dua Naib Mursyid Am IM yang datang ke Malaysia. Allah susun sangat cantik. Masa tengah cuti - ada orang bawa jalan-jalan sambil bagi nasihat. Masya Allah. Oh. Ya. Abang Sarep, walaupun senior kami, masih belum berkahwin. Belum sampai seru mungkin. Dia menceritakan mengenai komen Syeikh Jum'ah Amin pada ikhwah di Malaysia. Syeikh berkata "Aku hairan pada ikhwah-ikhwah di Malaysia. Bagaimana mereka boleh hidup tanpa bernikah?".

Sampai rumah aku pahat azam baru. Tiada masa akan kosong pada waktu cuti ini. Masa kosong membunuh pemuda seperti aku. Meliarkan angan-angan kosong. Melemahkan jiwa. Tiadalah aku nak melemahkan diri masa cuti setelah aku berdisiplin hempas pulas masa di kampus. No way. Kalau di kampus dah jumpa orang untuk tasmi' al Quran setiap minggu, sini pun jangan miss. Selalu juga cemburu dengan ikhwah akhawat UIA, ada kelas tasmi'. Di kampus, aku mencari orang untuk tasmi' aku. Hidup Allah dah stabilkan, jangan kita kucar kacirkan. Emotion and lust are tools. Tools yang patut digenggam dengan kuat di bawah kawalan. Rindu juga pada suasana Darul Quran. Tapi fikir balik, to what ends am I gonna sit and wait for opportunity to come? Teringat dalam kisah "Cinta di rumah Hasan Al Banna", ahli keluarga Imam Hasan bercerita bahawa Imam Hasan akan sentiasa tasmi' Qurannya dengan mana-mana ahli keluarga. Andai tiada yang dewasa, dengan anak kecil pun jadi. Masya Allah.

Alhamdulillah, kerja dah dapat. Itu pun lagi dua minggu baru mula. Bayaran RM 80 sehari. Insya Allah. Cukup. Sekarang ini mengambil tugas sambilan menulis ringkasan dan nota-nota pelajaran. Ok lah kot satu ringkasan RM20. Kalau banyak. First ringkasan buat pasal Hadith pertama, hadith niat. Last sekali rasa bersalah gila nak ambil upah. -.-

I just love teaching. But now, there's no one to teach. SPM dah hampir. Dan anak murid aku sekarang tengah berhempas pulas untuk prepare SPM. Sebelum raya, aku ada berjumpa dengan manager sebuah kedai buku. Nak pohon kerja. Dia tanya, sebelum ini masa cuti buat apa? Aku jawab mengajar. Subjek Add Math, Biology, Physics as tuition dan mengajar Al Quran di dua buah masjid. Dia membalas, "Oh..Cikgu. Tak payah kerjalah. Cikgu sekarang banyak duit. Sangat banyak". Itu fakta yang baru aku tahu. Aku kemudian gelak besar, menafikan. Aku bukan seorang cikgu dalam kerjaya.

Lusa insyaAllah akan ke seminar finance. Di Hotel Boulevard. Baca The Star dengan kawan, jumpa seminar. Terus daftar. Kawan itu juga lah yang minta nak berusrah Alhamdulillah, setelah satu semester study dengan dia. Dulu langsung tak minat bisnes finance etc. Sekarang ini dah ada tanggungjawab. Asyik fikir macam mana nak pacu IkramSiswa UITMPP punya DnT dan kewangan. Nak fikir projek dana. Kalau ada idea roger lah. Kami open untuk cadangan. Projek jual beli emas dan perak dah ada yang mula.

Dah target nak habiskan dua buku tebal. Buku sirah Raheeq Makhtum, yang selama ini hanya jadi rujukan. Dan fiqh dakwah.

Masuk team RnD Robotic UiTM. Will be busy. Busynya sampai masuk keluar lab sampai pukul 2 pagi. Let's give it a try. Dah dijemput masuk, tak moleklah kalau menolak. Jadi, masa cuti ada pembacaan sikit-sikit.

Itulah rancangan setakat masa cuti.

Masa cuti - aku spend untuk keluarga(family first), kerja dan perancangan untuk Ikram Siswa nanti. Membaca diteruskan.

Anekdot masa cuti. Ayaz selalu, kalau kami jadi imam dia akan sebut masa tengah solat surah yang dia nak revise untuk sekolah, contohnya kalau rakaat pertama tengah imam tengah Al Fatihah dia akan sebut "Al 'Alaq". Kami pun baca al 'Alaq. Kemudian dia sebut al Bayyinah. Kami baca al Bayyinah. Kalau kami tak baca, dia akan ulang dan ulang, "al 'Alaq..al 'Alaq..". Geram juga kadang-kadang. Tapi melayan lah. Dia adik kecil yang aku sayang.

Ada elemen comel terbaru - Meelo. Cucu Avatar Aang, dalam Legend of Korra.

Dia fartbending, extension of airbending. Mengarut betul budak ni.

:)

Itu lah update sedikit sebanyak.

1. "Tafaqqahu qabla an tusawwadu" -Umar al-Khattab r.a [Kata-kata Umar yang menunjukkan peri pentingnya ilmu sebelum dilanti

k sebagai pemimpin (at-Tasawwud bermaksud ar--Riasah) sangat jarang diulas sebagai "tuntutlah ilmu sebelum kamu berkahwin" kerana menurut az-Zabidiy dalam Taj ul-'Arul semasa mensharahkan maksud at-Tasawwud, katanya ia juga bermaksud at-Tazawwuj (berkahwin), justeru membawa maksud pelajarilah ilmu sebelum berkahwin kerana orang yang berkahwin akan disibukkan dengan urusan rumahtangganya.] - FB Marwan Bukhari

2. Oleh itu aku menyeru kamu wahai ikhwah, janganlah kamu berpada hanya sekadar menjadi akh muslim, atau berpuas hati sekadar dirinya telah bersolat, berpuasa dan bermujahadah. Jangan! Menyebarkan dakwah itulah yang dituntut daripada kamu, setiap orang. Maka, awas kamu! Jangan berlengah, jangan bermalas, jangan berasa berat untuk melaksanakan kewajipan ini. Awas! Jangan kamu tanggalkan baju yang telah dipakaikan Allah kepada kamu dengan memilih Muhammad s.a.w. sebagai ikutan dan pemimpin kamu. - zaadut-taqwa

Allahumma solli 'ala Muhammad.

Moga aku dikurniakan cinta pada Allah dan Rasul melebihi segala-galanya.

Roger and out.

Written in the stars [Part 5]

The river was beautiful. It flowed slow and smooth.

As if it was waiting for me to speak.

I took a deep breath.

I looked to the other side of the river.

I was worried.

You were sad. Your eyes were gloomy.

I could feel it. Deep.

The river was wide. The distance was painful, yet it was lovely.

I sighed. I did not have the power.

I wished I could swim there.

I sat down. 

I whispered,

"Remember Allah. Remember Allah. Remember Allah. And don't ever give up. Don't give up on Him."

The wind started to blow. So tender and soft.

As if it was comforting me and you.

The wind will carry my whisper to you.

I stood up.

I went.

"We are survivors and we are travelers. Don't get distracted, the real destination is Allah, and only Allah. Emotion is only a tool", I whispered, again.

I looked up, "O Allah.. keep the person safe, until I am able to cross to the other side".

Nilai Cinta

Sebelum habis Ramadan, saya ada membeli beberapa buku. Mood semasa Ramadan merupakan mood cinta. Jadi, semasa ke kedai buku, saya membeli buku perihal cinta. Buku mengenai kekasih saya, Syamail Muhammadiyah(Keanggunan Nabi Muhammad) - Imam Tirmizi dan juga buku Hilal Asyraf, Sebelum Aku Bernikah. Hasrat nak membeli Is God A Mathematician? saya tangguhkan. Momentum Ramadan ada, jadi kena garap hikmah-hikmah selagi semangat itu ada. Biar hikmah jadi kefahaman, dan kefahaman memandu istiqamah di bulan lain.

Sekembalinya saya di sini(Penang), saya meminjam buku Kecerdasan Asmaul Husna, Sulaiman Al Kumayi. Sepanjang di sini, sudah enam buah buku saya pinjam dan habis baca. Semuanya buku mengenai sains dan saintis. Understanding Einstein, Black Holes and Baby Universes - Stephen Hawking, The Great Beyond; Higher Dimensions and Parallel Universes, dan lain-lain. Jadi, memang sepanjang di sini sebelum raya moodnya mood sains, bila masuk Ramadan jadi mood hamba yang mencari cinta. Alhamdulillah, Ramadan kali ini saya bahagia. Tiada apa yang saya sesalkan. Moga-moga Allah terima segalanya.

Raya kali ini agak mendebarkan. Saya tak sentuh walau sebiji pun kuih raya (Heheee : Gelak Shin Chan nakal). Di pagi raya, kami berkumpul di Kubang Kerian. Sesudah ibu, ayah dan makcik pakcik saya bersalaman dengan datuk dan nenek saya, saya membacakan doa. Panjang doanya. Bercucuran air mata makcik pakcik ibu ayah saya. Saya berdoa kepada Allah, merasai harapan ibu saya selama ini. Alhamdulillah. Ini kali pertama semua adik-beradik dapat berkumpul setelah lebih sepuluh tahun tak dapat berkumpul bersama. Saban tahun saya melihat ibu saya sedih, kerana sedikit perselisihan dengan nenek kami, hanya keluarga kami sahaja yang beraya di sana. Kadang-kadang sangat dapat bertembung dua beradik di rumah nenek kami. Saya belajar nilai yang sangat penting dalam keluarga daripada kejadian ini.

Lebih mengejutkan, biasanya saya hanya menitis air mata ketika bersalaman dengan ibu ayah saya. Sikit je. Tapi tahun ini, saya menangis di bahu mereka. Saya tak cakap apa-apa. Saya pandang wajah mereka, saya salam tangan, saya letak muka saya di bahu mereka. Menangis macam budak-budak. Habis basah baju ibu ayah saya. Lagi-lagi masa tengah meraung di bahu ibu saya, ibu saya berbisik "Anak mama, Mama sayang. Lagi dua je Allah tak makbulkan lagi doa Mama untuk abang. Jadi Hafiz Quran, Allah dah makbulkan. Lagi dua, Mama doa abang dapat pimpin masyarakat, dan Mama doa abang mati syahid. Itu doa Mama". Lagi kuat saya menangis. Maklumlah, anak sulung. Bukan selalu dapat rasa ibu belai kepala. Dah habis menangis, sempat lagi saya tanya, "Ma, tak doa untuk Asif kahwin ke?". Keh. Entah macam mana soalan itu keluar pun saya tak tahu. Tiba-tiba. Moga saya dapat jadi anak yang baik. Mereka tak pernah putus asa untuk saya, dari saya kecil hingga besar. Banyak dosa saya pada mereka. Saya tahu dalam hati saya, saya cinta mereka. Sangat-sangat cinta. Tak pernah berlalu sehari tanpa nama mereka disebut dalam doa saya.

Saya sering tertanya-tanya, terutama pada bulan Ramadan lepas. Apakah nilai cinta saya di sisi Allah? Macam mana untuk saya ketahui adakah cinta saya bernilai atau tidak di sisi Allah? Saya tidak tahu jawapannya. Tapi saya merasakan, cinta itu perasaan yang menenangkan dan membahagiakan. Saya merasakan bila kita hidup dalam senang, kita bersyukur. Bila hidup diuji, kita solat dua rakaat memohon sifat redha dan bersangka baik pada Allah.

Alhamdulillah, bila saya terima berita yang saya kurang berkenan, saya terus mengambil wudhu' dan menunaikan solat dua rakaat. Andai sebelum ini walaupun saya bersabar, tapi hati saya akan sakit. Tapi Alhamdulillah, kali ini rasa sedih itu saya pulangkan kembali pada Allah. Andai itu yang terbaik, mohon dikurniakan redha. Saya sentiasa berdoa pada Allah agar segala keputusan hidup ini dipandu Allah, bukan dipandu oleh kecetekan akal diri sendiri. Walaupun kadang-kadang kemahuan itu terlalu kuat, kemahuan itu saya pulangkan kembali kepada Allah. Andai ianya baik, pulangkan ia kembali pada saya. Andai tidak, hilangkan ia dari hati saya.

Hidup ini punya tujuan. Jangan mudah terleka dengan distraction lain. Sentiasa belajar dari kesilapan.

Ya, hidup saya ada impian. Saya punya tiga impian dalam hidup. Andai Allah ingin gugurkan mana-mana impian saya, saya redha. Impian boleh digugurkan, namun tujuan itu pasti. Tujuan hidup kita ialah Allah. Paksikan itu dalam hati.

Sentiasa check dari masa ke semasa, bagaimanakah cinta kita? Adakah bila kita sujud, hati kita merasakan kehinaan dan kehambaan? Adakah kita ingat pada Nabi semasa kita senyum, bergurau, makan, dan solat? Kerna itu semua sunnah nabi. Di akhir zaman ini, di mana nabi telah tiada, link kita untuk menyemai rasa cinta pada Nabi hanyalah dengan mengamalkan sunnah nabi, selawat dan membaca sirahnya.

Sentiasa rujuk hubungan kita dengan Al Quran. Adakah kita menjaga dan mengamalkan isi Al Quran? Adakah kita faham ciri-ciri dalam Surah al Mu'minun? Sudahkah kita maklum ciri-ciri orang bertaqwa yang terletak di banyak tempat di dalam Quran? Sudahkah kita faham berapa kali Allah berpesan, yang Allah akan meneguhkan tapak kaki mereka yang berada di jalan Allah? Malah Allah siap menghantar malaikat untuk bersama dengan kita.

Saya ingin syorkan satu buku yang sangat bagus. Bekalan Sepanjang Jalan Dakwah, Mustafa Masyhur. Sangat peribadi dan hidup. Beliau mengajak kita untuk mencari bekalan dalam solat, di dalam Quran, zakat, haji, tafakur pada nikmat, dan takfakur pada ciptaan Allah. Best!

Juga buku Syamail Muhammadiyah. Ada di MPH. Tak padan langsung dengan harga. Harga murah, isinya masya Allah tak ternilai. Cinta pada nabi berbunga.

Sejak saya habis buku itu, saya sering berdoa sebegini di akhir doa saya, " Ya Allah, aku sangat merindukan kekasihMu, Rasulullah. Kirim salam sayang rinduku padanya. Allahumma Sholli 'ala Muhammad. Aku ingin dahiku dicium olehnya di syurga nanti".

Hargai cinta kita, pupuk dan semai. Kerana kita akan bersama dengan siapa yang kita cintai di akhirat nanti.

Berikan nama-nama Allah - At Tawwab, Ar Rahim, Ar Rauf dan banyak lagi nama-nama indah lain nilainya. Yakinilah Allah itu at Tawwab, Maha penerima taubat. Yakinilah Allah itu ar Rahim, Maha penyayang. Berikan nama Allah haknya, berikan nama Allah sifatnya, berikan nama Allah nilai cintanya. Moga dengan itu, cinta terus berputik. Tak kenal, maka tak cinta. [Kecerdasan Asmaul Husna]. 

Insya Allah.

Anecdote

1. This Ramadan was a very hectic Ramadan. Lelah dan penat itu terasa makan dia. Dengan malam ada test, dengan kawan-kawan minta buat kelas express sebelum test, dengan nak ikut naqib kumpul dana untuk Aqsa2Gaza8 dan tugas baru, jadi personal escort dan translator untuk Imam dari Gaza yang lain akan datang. I really need to have a quick course nak cakap Arab pasar. They must feel awkward when I speak Arabic baku. Can anyone help me? Lepas ini gerak untuk iktikaf, and I'll be on duty untuk tiga hari aside from class.

"Barangsiapa yang bernazar dalam dirinya, untuk hidup bersama agamanya, maka dia akan hidup dalam kelelahan. Namun, sesungguhnya dia (walaupun lelah) akan hidup dalam keagungan dan menjemput kematian dengan keagungan" (Syeikh Ahmad Yasin)

2. Hari itu masa Ramadan dengan Imam Muda Mu'min, alhamdulillah dapat kutip around RM 24 ribu. Masa jadi tukang kira, banyak kejadian berlaku. Ada yang bagi cincin emas kahwin depa, ada yang bagi dalam sampul surat buka ada lebih RM 500. Ada yang tulis dia bagi duit itu as zakat. Masya Allah. Memang duduk follow pengurus Aqsa Syarif Pulau Pinang, dari awal sampai habis. Dengar beliau berucap, macam mana pengalaman beliau di Gaza, macam mana bila dia balik betapa yakinnya dia bahawa kita semua sedang bersama-sama kumpulan yang menang di Palestin. Macam mana dalam sejarah terbukti Al Quds ini berfungsi sebagai spiritual inspiration bagi umat Islam. Sama-sama dengan ikhwah, lagi-lagi salah seorang usrahmate akan bertolak ke Gaza untuk A2G8. Ya Allah, nikmatnya. How can I describe the feeling? After all these years, Allah put me in this place, where I met many unsung warriors who spent their lives upholding Islam.

3. Biasa lepas program Ramadan ini, akan tidur di Baitul Ikhwah. Ada seorang ikhwah pandai main keyboard. I always sit beside him. Just listening to him playing beautiful pieces macam Beethoven's Fur Elise, Yiruma's Kiss in the rain dan River flows in you, even The Chosen One Maher Zain. I would sit and wait for mengantuk datang. Bila mengantuk, ambil bantal tidur. Music is beautiful, di syurga, akan ada halwa telinga yang tak pernah ditanggapi oleh mana-mana telinga di dunia ini. How much more beautiful would it be?

4. Ada seorang brother di hostel, masa mandi dia akan always pakai seluar dalam only. Nak masuk pun segan, bukan dalam bilik air, kat sinki pun dia pakai macam itu masa awal-awal semester dulu. Tapi sekarang tak dah. Hari itu masa borak-borak dengan dia, cakap dia tak mo pakai macam itu dah. Because of me. I asked why, I never mentioned anything pasal perkara itu. Dia kata, dia malu, orang hafal Quran. And kami gelak sama-sama. He helped me buat ruqyah dan pagar masa ada bilik di aras kami kena gangguan, bau busuk, laptop kena curi dan ada air kencing merata-rata, kerusi bergerak sendiri malam-malam. Alhamdulillah, dah tak ada sekarang, kuasa Allah. He'a a smoker. And he's not my roommate. Yet, he understood how much I hate people smoking in my room, he told people not to smoke in my room even when I'm not around. My roommates are smokers, Alhamdulillah, mereka pun tak merokok dalam bilik. I want to make our room as comfortable as possible. As peaceful as possible. And somehow, our room got the nickname surau aras, -.- although it's not me who makes it a surau. Other people always came to our room to pray, sebab bilik masing-masing ada pasang radio kuat, main gitar, main game dan merokok. So the only place is our room. Kadang-kadang pukul 2-3 pagi ada lagi yang datang untuk solat. Lagi-lagi Ramadan.  Kadang-kadang kesian kat budak-budak baik, tapi dapat roommate macam apa, mereka tak kuat sangat nak resist. Our room is also a place to study. Sometimes, people I don't really know datang nak study kat bilik. Sambil mengomen kat bilik sendiri bising. Tapi tak apalah, as long as I can provide a safe, peaceful, calm and clean room for others cukuplah. Moga dapat redha Allah.

5. Rabu ini akan balik KL!!!!!!!! Hoyeah I dunno macam mana seronoknya rasa nanti! Mesti gembira kalau yang duduk oversea balik rumah. Yang duduk Penang pun dah happy dah! Dah nak dekat tiga bulan tak jumpa family. Walaupun dah besar, tapi rasa macam nak meloncat-loncat je! Haha. Bulan pertama duduk sini turun 8 kg. Tapi bila balik ni macam nak makan je Mama masak banyak-banyak! Rindu masakan Mama. 

Dari kiri: Hawari, ME, Imam Mu'min, Ust Syazalie, Akh Harryzan

Wassalam. Selamat mengejar lailatul Qadr kawan-kawan. Jangan slow down, masa ini nak naikkan momentum! [0132724207- kalau nak menderma untuk Palestin, atau Rohingya atau Syria, do contact me.]

I Will Love You Forever

Dah sampai masa, adik-adik aku dah makin besar. It's time for me to let go, and not being worried. Biar dulu banyak kali tegur, marah, bengang sebab tak do their best in life, tapi sekarang dua orang dah besar. Naim dah masuk UIA PJ, Iman akan masuk Kolej Professional MARA Julai ini, di Kuantan, in which if YOU read this, please check on her if you have time. I've already passed her name to PIC kawasan, but just in case, would you mind to check on her once a while di sana?

Being an abang sulung is not an easy task. Heavy burden and expectations from parents, and at the same time, in my case, enjoying my life. If there are problems in the family, it's you who takes charge. You'll be a mediator if anything critical happens between your parents and your fellow siblings, and you be the pressure-person if your fellow siblings sometimes lost their ways. And also you'll be a constant reminder for your parents, and because you are their first-born, you know your parents the most. And you know sometimes, it's better to sacrifice yourself for the sake of keeping the family intact. You are the one who holds both secrets from your parents and your siblings. Your siblings entrusted their secrets to you, although sometimes you figure them out. Your parents also discussed most of their problems with you. It's on your shoulders your parents cried, and it's you who'll take the blame if something happens to your siblings. It's natural.

You'll be the one your parents see if both of them had problems with each other.

Being a boy has another setback. You love your family so much, but you don't have the means to show your love, except by action. You don't know how to express 'I love you', yet you kissed your parents' cheek every time nak keluar rumah. You don't know how to bermanja, except when you fell sick, you take the chance to baring atas peha emak. To be tended and taken care of. When you are healthy, you are expected to be independent again and set examples for your siblings. Atau masa naik motor dengan ayah, dapat peluk puas-puas kat belakang. You protect your family, and when someone messes with your family, either you have the courage to let your siblings settle it as a growing person, or you take charge and someone will be sorry.

Being a first born and a boy will turn you as an expert of unspoken love. It's just lately that I have the courage to tell 'I love you' face to face to my parents, even though in my heart, those faces are the faces that I remember almost every second of my life. My solat will never be perfect without prayers included for my parents and siblings. I utter their names more than I could remember in my prayers after solat and ma'thurat every day. My successes were all fueled by the inspiration to make my parents proud. I myself don't really want all that. What I want is to make my parents and siblings proud.

Most of the times, I let my siblings solved their own problems. So they could grow up as a strong person.

I'm a person of silence. I don't know how to show my love. I'm learning slowly how to show my love, with the presence of my two little brothers Ayaz and Saif.


Ianya rindu yang memacu kehidupan. Rindu pada keluarga, rindu yang teramat sangat pada Nabi Muhammad. Dalam solat dan doa, dalam tahiyat dan selawat, kerinduan yang membuatkan hati ini terus segar dan kukuh menolak jahiliyah-jahiliyah hari ini. Jahiliyah di luar diri, juga jahiliyah dalam diri. Jahiliyah yang merosak hati. Rindulah yang menzahirkan cinta, moga Cintaku pada Rabb lebih diutamakan.

Allahumma amitna bi mauti syuhada'.

To Naim and Iman, choose your own path, and choose wisely. Hidup ini untuk Allah, and hanya untuk Allah.  Make sure everything revolves around that. Sandarkan setiap pilihan pada Allah, insya Allah tak ada penyesalan. Don't be afraid to fail, for experience is a great teacher. Jangan tinggal tarbiyah, sebab tarbiyah itu darah dan jantung kehidupan. Other than that, I as your brother, will support your decision if it's according to the will of Allah, and if it isn't, I will always be there to set you straight. I'm a guardian, assigned by Allah to guard you, and I will keep you safe until the day Allah takes my life. Love you.


The above picture tells about the character I adore the most, Uchiha Itachi. Read about him, and you'll find a very valuable principle that governs his life.

To my beloved

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Anekdot first day...

Salam adik-adik semua. Salam mak aku, mak aku peluk kuat-kuat. Mak aku menangis. Panjang mak aku pesan, last-last keluar perkataan 'I Love You'. Itu pun dah cukup sebenarnya. Hati bahagia, walaupun tak tunjuk di muka. Nak menangis jugak, tapi senyum je. Nanti lagi sedih mak aku. Mak aku menangis macam aku nak pergi oversea je, walhal Penang je pun. Masa tu mata dah bergenang, tapi lap cepat. Nanti mak aku lagi sedih. Walaupun depan orang, I'm proud being treated like that. Lol, anak manja. Not a whimpy one, but anak manja yang able to protect his family, and to protect his ummah. Kemudian salam ayah aku. Salam and peluk cara gentlemen. He taught me how to be a man. Kemudian salam and peluk adik-adik kecik dua orang, Ayaz dan Saif. Tapi derang macam tak kisah, sebab tengah bergurau sesama sendiri. Aku pun biarlah. Kereta pun pergi, akak polis sebelah siap tegur lagi, 'tak menangis ke?'. 'Taklah, dah besar, control sikit'.

Kemudian, dalam 30 minit lepas tu, mak aku call. Dengar suara Ayaz kuat menangis dalam fon, dia cakap "Abg Asif, terima masih kerana telah membesarkan Ayaz dan menjaga Ayaz dengan baik selama ni..Ayaz janji akan belajar elok-elok dan ngaji tiap malam-malam..huuuu(sambung nangis)". Aku pun menangis dalam bilik, berderai-derai air mata jatuh. Aku pun letak telefon,tak tahu nak cakap apa. Call mak aku balik lepas tu, tanya Ayaz cakap tu skrip ke? Mak aku cakap tak, memang Ayaz cakap sendiri. Ayaz ni darjah satu kalau kome nak tahu. Dalam kereta masa tu pun terkejut, Ayaz cakap macam tu. Rupanya masa aku salam derang dalam kereta tu, derang tak tahu aku nak masuk U dah. Kelakar betul. Bila dah otw balik baru mak aku cakap lepas ni Abg Asif takda, siapalah yang nak teman pergi tandas, buat susu, ngajar ngaji semua. Terus dua-dua menangis. Baru derang sedar. Keh keh. Sentimental betul. Dah takda sapa dah aku nak marah sebab conteng buku aku. Haha.

**************************

1. I wrote this, with my love towards my family, and towards my very nice uncles and aunties. Asif di sini sihat-sihat aja. Baik-baik aja. Sudah mula kelas, juga sudah mula usrah. Usrah Asif dengan Dr *#^%$#, professor Physics di USM. Sampai-sampai di Penang ikhwah dah bawak pi jalan-jalan. Hujung minggu ini InsyaAllah pergi panjat gunung dengan Aqsa Syarif. Asif KoKu masuk Kesatria Negara.

Subject daftar enam, in which ada dua are pretty easy. English dan Agama Islam. Subjek lain biasa je. Dua physics, satu calculus, lagi satu subjek faculty - ElectroTechnology. Library dia best. Roommate pun boleh tahan. Seorang roommate dah mintak Asif ngajar dia mengaji walaupun kat Pusat Islam ada je halaqah al Quran ustaz tu buat. Tapi, ustaz-ustaz tu pun baca tajwid kantoi juga, tapi Asif diam jelah. Budak baru katakan. Pusat Islam dia aktif, almost every day ada kuliah. Lagi dua orang roommate selalu tengah DF. Sorang dah suruh Asif kejut dia Subuh masjid betul-betul sampai bangun. Setakat ini alhamdulillah tak ada kelas malam, boleh mengaji dan study senang sikit.

Kafe dia pun murah, setakat ini Asif kira perbelanjaan Asif RM211 sebulan, untuk makan sahaja. Buku belum beli lagi, tapi rasa macam tak payah kot. Although I love books so much, I think dengan keadaan duit sekarang, rilek-rilek dulu lah. Lecturer pun dah prepare note online. Wahai Mama n Baba, walaupun Asif dah dewasa, tapi macam perlu bantuan untuk beli laptop lah. Macam perlu sangat di sini. Hihi. Dah jumpa ramai ikhwah senior sini, derang offer Asif buku jugak. Separuh harga. Kat sini ada tiga rumah ikhwah dekat dengan UiTM.

Naim pun dah masuk UIA PJ. Dia exempted APT, EPT level 6.

2. I wrote this, with a bunch of regrets towards my best friend. Aku minta maaf, sebab tak dapat pergi oversea dengan kau. Aku cadang nak pergi nanti. Maybe Master. It is my utmost regret when I made the decision. Insya Allah, I pray, you'll be a great physicist one day, and as for me, to be a great engineer.

And thank you for everything. And Asyraf Roslan! happy belated birthday! Aku ingat masa form 4 aku lupa birthday kau. Haha. Moga berkat umur kau..dan mudah pelajaran kau. Aku sebenarnya ada post untuk kau, tapi maklumlah orang tak ada laptop plus wifi sentiasa bingung di sini. Ini pun roommate aku seludup gajet apa entah macam ada parabola nak intensify wifi bilik ni. Lepas ni, aku, kau dan Omar susahlah nak jumpa lagi. Sorang di Penang, sorang di Klate, sorang di Manchester. Acano nak gi tonton dota tournament lagi??

3. I wrote this, with a mountain of hope in the future. As you said, I put my choice on Allah. And I really really really really really hope that I can make it in time, to win. In 3 years, I'll be there. I'll meet him, and I'll be ready. Mark my word.

4. To all, do pray for me.

Ini aku sertakan lagu masa kami orientasi, ada abang senior dua orang nyanyi. Sumpah terbaik!! Aku menangis dengar, menangis betul. Aku tengok keliling aku ada yang nangis jugak. Later I know, they were the ones who are just like me, some older, 22 yrs old. Pegang harapan family. Bila datang sini, baru tahu, lagi ramai unfortunate. I should be grateful.

Bersih 3.0 - Of understanding and promoter of good values

*I am not going to post my whole experience during BERSIH 3.0. As before. Just bits and bits of learning experience here and there and some points of view.


We often think that fight for ideals and virtues is simple and easy. It is not indeed. Along the way, there will be some tests. Some will be taken away by the restless agitation and blinded by the opium of anti-establishment, while some will be gripped by fear, some will be misguided by doubts - not the doubts of truth and skepticism, but rather doubt of action. Some will choose side of the oppressor, knowingly and unknowingly. Unknowingly by being neutral in times of injustice.

We've got a long way in Malaysia, for the citizens to grasp the maturity of support and disagreement. We always think, perhaps because the authorities have sit on the chair of power for a very long time, that government is equal to the winning component/party. And we are very good in generalizing. It doesn't mean when we agree to some policies of the authorities, we agree to the injustice they have induced. And it also doesn't mean when we fight the corruption and injustice in the government, we also in support to the invitation of the existing foreign powers meddling our affairs.

We must stop generalizing and being lazy. We must wake up, and be sensible. My reason for joining BERSIH is clear. I demand clean electoral reform at large. Those who are serious in knowing this issue, will surely know about the 'phantom voters'. There are so much corruption and injustice, and we just keep sucking up BN's deeds blindfolded. This issue is not an assumption, or a wild conspiracy theory made up by the opposition, it is real, and it is happening. Either Pro BN or anti BN, and those who aren't in both. If we are serious, we will find the truth.

When I was in a demonstration, be it BERSIH, or other demos for Syria/Palestine/Egypt, I will always pause from time to time, just to reassure myself why I was there. It is easy to lose yourself in the midst of irrational hatred and exciting confrontation. But, I was there, because I chose to be a promoter of good values, of godly values. And I am sure, there is a lot out there, like me. Who aren't interested in who's holding the power, but in the way the power holder benefits the power that is given to them, from us. The way the power is handled, defines the holder. I'm interested in John Dalberg Acton's saying about power.  He said "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely".

Complacent may be the suitable word, for us Malaysians. When we demand change, the other will always compare our condition with poorer countries. When we feel complacent, we are afraid to move on. To have a better life, with better condition. It is easy for us to speak, when we never experience money shortage - to the extend that our parents sold the jewelry, or even harta pusaka peninggalan nenek moyang just to support their family. We never experience poverty, when children just keep fasting to ease the burden of their parents. We never experience sufferings, when our rights are denied and declined just because we differ in financial status. We never feel any of them, so that's why we keep siding the ones with power. Because our gold pot is with them. Still, these people don't demand wealth, although they have the right to do so. They still pay the tax. They demand the system to be cleaned, it's fortunate that Malaysians still have faith for the system.

To take a closer look, the demands are to achieve clean election, along with the freedom of media. There will always be something wrong when you look at the demands with paranoid and fearful paradigm. Irrational assumptions will keep popping up. Try to look at it from a different angle.

These assemblies call for the reforms. Be it BN or PR on the top, in the next ten years, we will always call for reforms if the situation needs us. We should start taking side with values and principles. Our country's future is more than PR or BN. Malaysia is in need of its citizens, who calls for justice and equality, peace and transparency. Be it PR, be it BN, be it perhaps another large component in the future, let us make sure the ones in power stand with these values.

For people like me, it is not about the struggle to push PR to Putrajaya. Although I grew up knowing so many mischievous deeds performed by UMNOs, I learned that evil and corruption are with those who do not fear God. The one who wields power with God-fearing principles will do well, regardless of the parties and components. It is my utmost regret that I cannot share you the article I once read in a site about economics, I spend hours looking for it - where the article was written under the presumption that, corruption does take over in a place where people does not believe in God. It said that faith in God, is necessary to prevent corruption and misuse of power. Although the article in the end aimed to bash communism. My point is our country is in need of both religious and faithful people. 

I don't imagine a future where only one party or component rules the parliament, but rather a mixture of politicians of virtues and principles, who uphold values and honor. Let there be various parties and components. Differences are good. Conflicts are necessary to keep the dynamics flows and improvement flourishes. Let there be check and balance. And for this to come true, men of values and ideas are needed. Not men of dogmas and propaganda.

Malaysia is a blessed country. Alhamdulillah. Old-time warriors and 'ulama, leaders and its citizens made Malaysia as it is today. Let us be grateful - by striving for the best and sustain the values on which our ancestors have stood for. Tok Janggut, Mat Kilau and Rentap fought for their rights and justice, their people, and their identities. It is our responsibility then to sustain and maintain. We are calling the leaders to reform. We do not ask you to step down. We are asking you to take responsibilities for what you and your acquaintances have done - the list I am afraid is too long.

It is then my decision, to support good values and be an ardent promoter. I am a khalifah of Allah, and it is my responsibility. Peace.

Note 1 : I think young people have more resistance to the tear gas. I propose to young people, next time, if there is any demonstration, do stock up big bottles of water and salts - I got three big bottles and a pack of salt when I went to BERSIH 3 - so that we can help old folks and pakmakciks in the demonstration to keep up. Some knowledge of basic medics would be sufficient to help.

Note 2 : We must not think police as bad and evil. They have orders, and they must follow the orders. I know a senior ikhwah in TUDM, he supports Bersih, yet he is assigned in some kind of military unit to keep things in control if the police fails to do so.

Note 3 : During Bersih, I went with my naqib and two lawyers from IKRAM - who are specifically designated to protect the protesters legally. Although I read comprehensively about isu semasa, there are so many things I do not know. The lawyers shared so many things, issues like OccupyDataran and PTPTN, and new rule replacing ISA - another layer of information. Lepas ni ingat nak lepak dengan lawyer lah. Senang tahu cerita.

"A warning to the people
The good and the evil
This is war
To the soldier, the civillian
The martyr, the victim
This is war

It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie
The moment to live and the moment to die
The moment to fight, the moment to fight, to fight, to fight, to fight" - This is War, 30 Seconds to Mars

It is indeed, a war of values and principles.

Majlis Khatam Al Quran Naim

Assalamu 'alaikum.

Sabtu lepas, pergi ke Darul Quran. Naim, adik saya yang kedua, berumur 19 tahun, Alhamdulillah telah berjaya mengkhatamkan Quran di Darul Quran.

Moga perjalanan dia selepas ini tak terlalu berliku sangat sampai tersesat, dipermudahkan, dan smooth. Moga perjalanan dia tak macam abang dia, moga perjalanan dia terus tiba ke destinasi. Moga perjalanan dia diberkati, dipermudah, dan segalanya dirahmati Allah.

He's very unlike me. If I love to switch channel to documentaries about space, science, history and military, he has a different taste. He likes to watch documentaries about animals, animals, and animals. If I like to read, he doesn't. He likes to socialize with people. If my siblings slack out with their chores, I keep it silent and do it myself, or just let things as it is. But he likes it more to berleter to them, and tells them to do it faster and quicker. And sometimes, I am the one who gets his leteran. Among all of us, he is the most hardworking - in terms of house chores. In my history of taekwondo, I was with him almost all of the time. We are both black belt holders, but we rarely spar with each other, if I could remember, never. I always remember my memory with him in a tournament, where we fought each other, and after putting all his efforts he couldn't find a way to beat me, his last resort was to sondol me out of the ring. He ran towards me so fast, he sondol and hugged me, and pushed me out. Haha.. Until now, whenever we talk about that, I'll always bring that up.

My mum, Naim, Saif, Iman and Amru.

He's a good brother, although we disagree on many many things. He's a respectful brother. You know, whenever kami salam, he always kiss my hand. Can you imagine that, a brother only two years younger, now 19 years old, kiss his older brother's hand? Even in front of his friends. So, I respect him so much. Although I never ever prefer my hand to be treated like that, not at all, hey, I'm only his brother not some kind of ustaz, teachers, or even parents. But he still does it. And I always pray for him for that. May Allah walk along his life with him. And so he does not make the same mistake he once did.

I always remind him, to read. Be knowledgeable. He sometimes seems to be enjoying life too much.

That's it. Lepas ini dia akan sambung UIA in Engineering. I wonder, if anyone from my siblings wants to be a doctor. Setakat ini macam tak ada. My younger brother in form 3, he wants to be like Nostradamus. =.= Apa hal macam tu pun tak tahu lah.

May Allah bless him all the way. Along his life, until the end. Tahniah Naim! Jaga amanah Quran elok-elok.

Darul Quran.

A calm and very beautiful place. Come visit there one day, surely you'll be astounded.

Few buildings in a big place. Yang lain semua alam semulajadi.

Very peaceful, tepi tasik ni lah petang-petang akan nampak student wanita penuh untuk hafal Quran. Layan sentimental mungkin.

We students used to pimpin tangan these guys every day. Mereka OKU, buta, dan mereka menghafal Quran guna Braille. Kata salah seorang dari mereka, Quran itu cahaya di hati.